The Saving Grace of Romance-Porn
How Steamy Romance Novels Set My Mojo Free
Girls and Gaming
A New Hero(ine) Approaches
You Worry Too Much!
The Vaccine Every Teenager Needs
Ask the Parent!
“I Hate My Teen’s Boyfriend!”
The Time We Need
Parents Desperately Need Paid Sick Leave. Will Oregon Step Up?
Cry About Other Things
After Two Years in Prison, a Mother Reunites with Her Three-Year-Old Son
Build A Better Parent
Co-Parenting, Co-Confusion
Parent to Parent
“Don’t Judge, Judy!”
Co-parenting is like firing a business partner, but still needing to work with them. You both love the business (ahem, child) you created, while being so over loving one another. Throw in visitation schedules, child support, the original reasons that led to the relationshipâs downfall, and youâve got yourself one murky, confusing, sometimes irritating hell of a situation to maneuver.
Itâs not hopeless. However, it does take some intentionality, some deep breathing, and some active planning from both parties. [Quick side note: If there was violence or coercion within the family unit, I strongly urge you to lean on community resources and/or counselors to best support your journey of co-parenting, as it will likely look different (though still hopeful!) for your family.]
Learn to communicate. Itâs not fair for your child to be in the middle. If this isnât doable, use a respected third party adult to support communication when necessary. Oregon offers free mediation services for those going through separation/divorce/custody, so USE THIS RESOURCE.
Learn to respect the other parent, and know it may be hard to do. Your ex will likely have different ways of doing things. Expecting differences, and respecting those differences (when you can), will ease the angst youâll feel in the long run.
Choose your battles. There will be plenty to fight over and be annoyed with; decide what you want to stand firm about, and let the rest fall off your backâotherwise, youâll be fighting for 18 years straight.
Be flexible and give grace. This oneâs hard; we all mess up. Life is bound to happen. When youâre able, extend grace (e.g. child support will be 48 hours late; the other parent has to work during their âonâ weekend and needs help with child care, etc.).
Stay off Facebook. You donât need to be BFFs with your ex, but sometimes extra information makes this even harder. (âYou went to the beach?? I thought you didnât have enough for daycare expenses this week?â). Also, donât air your co-parenting laundry online (thatâs just a no-no).
Set rules both agree to abide by. When do the kids get introduced to a new significant other? What are rules both households can maintain?
Give your kiddos a break. Be consistent and present for them, even when itâs hard to do. Transitioning between homes, especially when the homes are vastly different, is hard and confusing for little ones. Take it easy on them on transition days, and provide lots of cuddles and love.
Ask for help when you need it. Breathe. Youâve got this!
Vanessa Washington is a licensed therapist at Bridge City Counseling (bridgecitycounseling.com) who works with teens, adults, and other individuals while integrating a cultural, racial, and ethnic lens into her work.