Welcome back to The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club! Did you have a good hibernation during the show's winter break? Glad to hear it. And you'll be happy to know that the show left off right where the last episode ended... when that thing happened. And you know what thing I'm talking about, right? Okay, then! My SPOILER-FILLED thoughts are after the jump... so c'mon, zombies! LET'S GET SHAMBLING!

So two guys walk into a bar, and... oh, wait! Two guys actually ARE walking into the bar! Ha! Thats funny.
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "So two guys walk into a bar, and... oh, wait! Two guys actually ARE walking into the bar! Ha! That's funny."


Anyway, here's what I'm thinking...

1) This episode is called "Nebraska"—which refers to a possible colony where people are maybe, but probably not, living safely—but C'MON. Nebraska? Blechh! I'll take my chances with the zombies, thankyouverymuch.

2) Naturally everybody flips their shit about Rick gunning down Zombie Sophie: Farmer Vet is mad at the gang, Shane is mad at Farmer Vet, Grandpa Eyebrows is mad at Shane, Rick is mad at himself, Sophie's mom is mad at those flowers, and Rick's kid is the only one who seems to be taking it well. Although he looks super pale right now. Eat some liver and onions, son! You're looking like that dandy fop in Twilight!

3) Anyway, one of those blonde farm girls—I seriously cannot tell them apart—goes into a "spell" and nobody can find Farmer Vet. After finding an empty flask in his room, Shanelock Holmes deduces he must be getting shitfaced in a bar. (????) Naturally Rick—who can't keep his actually big nose out of anyone's business—goes off in pursuit along with Glenn (who needs to get his priorities straight regarding this "love" business). Confidential to Glenn: YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS HOT, BUT SHE'S A NAG. And nags don't suddenly become any less naggy. Think about that, why don't you?

4) Meanwhile, Lori is a FUCKING IDIOT. Two seconds after Rick takes off to find Farmer Vet, anonymous farm girl gets a fever, and Lori is all like, "OMG! WHERE IS RICK AND FARMER VET??? I HAVE TO GO BRING THEM BACK EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I'M GOING, AND MY ACTIONS WILL ONLY SERVE TO MAKE A BAD SITUATION WORSE!!" I fucking hate Lori.

5) She's a terrible driver, too.

6) So here's a funny joke: Three guys walk into a bar... followed by two guys more guys who walk into a bar. Okay, that's not all that funny. However, the two guys are super sweaty—which is TV language meaning they're dangerous and creepy—and they hint around that they'd just love to hang out at the farm and rape all the women. Wait... did they just say that out loud? Rick does the right thing and blows their fucking brains out. They are from Jersey after all. UNFORTUNATELY, people from Jersey have astonishing hearing, and the gunshots bring the other Jersey creeps running—as well as any zombies in the immediate area. So once again... good job, Rick! (Hey, Glenn. Are you going to just stand there thinking about your naggy girlfriend? Shoot your freaking gun.)

7) So that was an ohhhhh-kay episode, and if they keep up the action perhaps this season won't be a total washout. (Unfortunately, I don't like ANY of the characters right now... so is that a problem?) DID YOU WATCH THIS??? WHAT DID YOU THINK???

I really hate The Jersey Shore!