THURSDAY, November 21

AUTOGRAPH--Hey! You like getting autographs of famous people, right? Well, here's your chance to get the John Hancock of one of America's premiere smartasses, Politically Incorrect's Bill Maher. And while he would be a jerk not to sign your baseball bat, he would probably be even happier to autograph your new copy of his book, When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden. Betcha it's funny! WSH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 5-6 pm, free

MUSIC--Tonight's the night to act out your tin-foiled fantasy of what life would be like if, in the 1970s, the world had been taken over by robots. Add N to X is all electronic, all the time, boasting plenty of spastically danceable blips, blops, and bleeps as well as a genre made up just for them: Avant-hard. MS
w/Soviet & Cobra High, Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 224-TIXX, 9:30 pm, $10

FRIDAY, November 22

MUSIC--Need New Body sound like the cranky whirrings inside the head of an evil genius. One minute whispering with a lisp; the next minute giddily yelping or screaming in a basement bar. It's the closest musical approximation to a funhouse psychology experiment, so sometimes it's a little water-torturous. But torture does not exclude fun. MS
w/Helio Sequence, Menomena, & Peak Shakane, Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm, $7

FUNDRAISER--Yet another iffy Portland fundraiser; you'll be donating money to the eXperimental Film Festival so they can buy plane tickets for filmmakers--BUT it's a totally rockin' show! Music from the oh-so-precious All Girl Summer Fun Band, the charmingly addictive power poppers, The Thermals, and the percussive Burnt Plosives. Plus, film archives of commercials, old educational films, and yes, arty shorts. KS
Disjecta, 116 NE Russell, 335-6979, 9 pm, $6

SATURDAY, November 23

BEARS--Put your paws together for the newest Omnimax sensation: Bears! In splendid panoramic vision and surround sound, this film presents these often misunderstood animals in the glory of their natural habitat. Bears you've most likely never even heard of will be represented, including the reclusive spectacled bear, the Asiatic black bear, and the fierce sun bear of southeast Asia! GRRR! JWS
Omnimax Theater, OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave, 797-4671, 11 am, 1 pm, 3 pm, $8

BANDPLOSION--The Arctics Fest, OR: two days of sweet, sweet Portland music. SATURDAY: dark dance noise band Xiu Xiu, plus Panama, electro jam band Nice Nice, Super Unity, Ghost to Falco, R&B performance artist Panther, and Boom de la Boom. SUNDAY: The Lowdown, Hardcore performance artists Johnny X and the Groadies, keyboard/drum duo Point Line Plane, Shadow Grove, Reeks and the Wrecks, Moustache, Sleetmute/Nightmute, and the Formless. A complete course in rockin' shit in only ten hours. KS
Disjecta, 116 NE Russell, 335-6979, 7 pm, $6 per night


HARDCORE--Yeah. Hardcore. Oooh, you're really hardcore. Well, right. Except JR Ewing is Norwegian, and maybe the frigid weather's toughened them, but they completely make a killing. And no matter how many hardcore shows you've been to--too many or none, there's something special about a great one. And yes, they named themselves after a character on Dallas. MS w/Pretty Girls Make Graves & Hint Hint
Satyricon, 125 NW 6th Ave, 224-TIXX, 9:30 pm, $7

SUNDAY, November 24

VIDEO--Local filmmakers are busting out all over! Need proof? Check out Hello! Video tonight at the Bar of the Gods. Short videos (including computer animation, psycho-comedy, music videos, documentaries, and "non-sequitur subconscious mind-bombs") are the order of the day, along with what promises to be a night packed full of surprises. Plus, it's FREE, cheapskate, so what'cha waiting for? WSH
Bar of the Gods, 4801 SE Hawthorne, 232-2037, 10 pm, free

MONDAY, November 25

MUSIC--Wow. Sigur Ros is gorgeous. It's rare that I feel compelled to say that about a group, but in this case I have no choice. Their sound is intimate, yet huge; all-encompassing, yet totally personal. It rises and falls like the ocean, with haunting waves of electric guitar splashing into tide pools of synth progression. Jonsi Thor Birgisson's arresting falsetto floats over all of it like a summer cloud. As if that weren't enough, the name of their newest album is "( )", a title so unabashedly pretentious, it's almost endearing. JWS
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 224-TIXX, 8 pm, $20

TUESDAY, November 26

REXING--Wanna be a lardass all winter? Well, as Bobby Brown says, that's your "prerogative." As for me, I'll be shaking my sweet tuckus on eight-wheels at the Tuesday Night Rexing/Skate Party. Get down, get down with the fun-kay sounds of Old School and Hiphop from the '70s, '80s, and '90s! Plus members of some of the Old School skate clubs will be in attendance to show you how it was done back in the day! WSH
Oaks Park Skating Rink, East side of Sellwood Bridge, 233-5777, 7-9:30 pm, $5

WEDNESDAY, November 27

HOCKEY--Power forward Joey Hope puts enough pepper on every puck to knock out teeth and, better yet, to scream past opponent's goalies. With a recent string of closely fought (and won) games, the hometown Winter Hawks have clawed their way into third place in their division. Watch them embarrass, destroy, and otherwise obliterate the Prince George Cougars. PB
Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, 7 pm, $11 - $21.50