MUSIC--In a press release for one of his "Unleashing the Voice in Creative Music" performance workshops, Old Time Relijun frontman Arrington de Dionyso purports a college-level (Evergreen college, anyway) knowledge of Ethnomusicology, Music Therapy, and Butoh--a list that goes to great lengths to explain just what the hell is going on in his band's relentless, incomparable live performances. ZP Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $6

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5

GO, GO, GUMBY--There's no genteel way of putting this: Get high on drugs and attend this special showing of Gumby: The Movie. A surrealistic selection of the Mercury/Clinton Street Cult Fridays series, Gumby, Pokey and their band the Clayboys put on a concert to save the neighbor's farm. Singing, walking sticks of gum? Pass the dope, please. WSH Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 10 pm, 21 and over, $6

SOUL FUCKING--Why won't anybody take my fucking money anymore?!?! Holocene premieres its new free showcase, the totally leveling I Want Your Music To Fuck My Soul, with masterful performances by Silentist's Mark Evan Burden, Sex With Girls, Snuggle-Ups side project Pocket Parade, Red Bird, and Inca Ore, the new solo project by Eva Pox, the newly returned former vocalist for Alarmist. Holy Shit. ZP Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, free

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6

MECHANICAL BULL--Remember, business owners: A mechanical bull equals an automatic write-up in the Mercury. This week get bullish at the Buffalo Gap Saloon's Gapfest, a parking lot party featuring music from Geoff Byrd, Levon Levan, Hit Explosion, plus barbecue, beer, free haircuts, massages, and--never forget--an ass-bustin' mechanical bull! The joy! WSH Buffalo Gap Saloon, 6835 SW Macadam, 2 - 11 pm, $13-15

SUNBURN--Alright. Let's see. I like summer, and I like sitting outside, and I like listening to good music. So there's really no beating Summer Camp, a mega-concert with a kickass collection of bands: Death Cab for Cutie, Built to Spill, the Decemberists, Pedro the Lion, and even Viva Voce. Goddamn, does summer/music listening/sitting outside get any better than this? Uh… no. It does not. EH Les Schwab Amphitheater, Bend, 4 pm, $27.50

SUNDAY, AUGUST 7

THRASHER SPORTS--Dude, this is totally your ticket: The Free Flow touring skateboard/BMX Battle! Kick out your best stunts, 'cuz the winner of the BMX stunt ride qualifies to ride against the pros in Florida! PB Tualatin Skatepark, Tualatin Rd & Boones Ferry, 10 am, $10 registration, free to watch, skateboarding on Saturday (Dept. of Skateboarding, 15 NE Hancock), BMX today

LOWRIDERS--Get summer hoppin' and check out some sweet-ass rides at the 2005 Lowrider Magazine Evolution Tour. Hundreds of amazingly beautiful customized cars will be on hand, as well as a hopping Hydraulics Competition. Plus an appearance from Lil' Rob and the Ying Yang Twins! For those who like a mixture of cars and culture, it's a "don't miss" event. WSH Portland Expo Center, 2060 N Marine Dr., 11 am - 5 pm, $30

MONDAY, AUGUST 8

S&M--Like to get freaky in a group? Enjoy the occasional golden shower? What about just a good hard smack in the ass? Check out Embers' screening of the S&M, alternative sex-style documentary Beyond Vanilla and stock up on fodder for your imagination, or maybe your real life. And while you're at it, check out Oregon Leather Pride Week (Aug 5-13), which this event is most certainly a part of. KS Embers, 110 SW Broadway, 7 pm, $5-10, www.oregonleatherpride.org

TUESDAY, AUGUST 9

FILM/MUSIC--Few things combine better in this world, especially when the films happen to be of the "cult Korean and Japanese" variety, and the music happens to be scored by live DJs. Catch such cinematic classics as The Sword of Doom, projected on the wall of cool bar ACME! JWS ACME, 1305 SE 8th, 9 pm, FREE!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10

BLUE COLLAR ROCKER--Do you prefer Bruce Springsteen with the E-Street Band? Or do you prefer him as he will be tonight, stripped down to his essentials with nothin' more than that seductive voice and his lonesome guitar? If you're the latter, you're a straight-up pussy, but hey, pussies deserve happiness, too. PB Theater of the Clouds (at the Rose Garden), 7:30 pm, $75-85

MUSIC--Though it's received surprisingly mixed reviews from the faithful, The Ponys' recent Celebration Castle feels leaps and bounds ahead of Laced With Romance, the Chicago band's confident debut. So Richard Hell. So Verlaine. So totally good. ZP Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10