THEATER--You know it's gonna be a good play when you have to walk through a pizza parlor, down some dark stairs, and into the basement in order to see the show. A Kind of Surrender spins the tale of a man and woman who explore the human condition via their relationship. KD

The Engaged Theater, at It's A Beautiful Pizza, 3341 SE Belmont, 788-6670, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through May 5, $1-$6


CARMEN SANDIEGO--Both a performance and an audience-interactive, murder mystery party game (except not cheesy), the innovative art group Liminal presents its newest, technology-enhanced theater experience: Objects for the Emancipated Consumer. It's a futuristic, choose-your-own adventure for people who like art! JS

Dekum Building, Top Floor, 519 SW 3rd Ave, 229-3979, 8 pm, $8-10

STRIP POETRY--It's true: Nudity makes everything better. Even poetry! So don't miss this opportunity to see poets strip down to the nuggets at the First Invitational Strip Poetry Night. Authors such as Jennifer Robin, Reuben Niesenfeld, and Mercury contributors Mykle Hansen and Kevin Sampsell will read and spin the "Wheel of Nudity" that dictates how many articles of clothing will hit the floor! Ooh-la-LAH! WSH

Groundswell Cafe, 1800 NE Alberta, 331-1420, 8 pm, sliding scale $3-$7


PARTY MUSIC--Do you ever wish you could just stomp around, and scream, and do a crazy, twitchy dance to some loose, spastic punk rock? Nothing's stopping you--but when you see The Bugs, you'll be even more compelled to shake off your clothes and get the fuck down. (See Music pg 15!) JS

w/The Juanita Family, Beulahland, 118 NE 28th, 235-2794, 9 pm, free

MEGA PONG--Think you're hot-shit when it comes to the classic arcade game of Pong? Then put up or shut up at the Giant Pong Tournament at the Bike-In Theater. The winner is promised some dough and crappy prizes, so show up and sign up early! Musical accompaniment will be provided by Immigrant Kane, Unsound, Starantula, Awesome, and Birdy NumNum. Plus there's a new art exhibit by Alphabet Dress! It's like everything you could ever want in one convenient place! WSH

PS What?, 1968 SW 5th, 827-3797, 9 pm, $5 cover, $3 Pong entry fee


BIGFOOT--For centuries, panda bears were nothing but an unconfirmed rumor. Who are you to deny Bigfoot his existence? For the annual Sasquatch Conference, the region's most celebrated eye-witnesses and experts--and the Northwest is Bigfoot's playground--gather for two days to speak, show off fecal matter, and sell souvenirs. PB

Hillsboro Fairgrounds, exit 61 off of Hwy 26, Sat-Sun 8 am-6 pm, $5


MUSIC--Yay! Of Montreal is back in town! I really like these guys because (a) they are goddam FREAKS, (b) they play snappy, toe-tappin' experimento-pop, and (c) they are goddam FREAKS 'cuz they sometimes put on really funny plays in the middle of the act! What? You need more? Well, they're also playing with the Minders and Marshmallow Coast. Nyaah. WSH

Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $7


ART--The Oregon Biennial is the Crème de la Crème of artists in Oregon. Incredibly selective, the show features all kinds of work from all over the state.

Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave, 226-2811, 10 am-5 pm, $6-$7.50


FILM--Dopey, double-crossing Turkish police, an enchanting dagger stashed in an Istanbul museum, and wily directing from Jules Dassin made Topkapithe gold standard for all heist films to follow. (Eat your heart out, Sean Connery!) Sweaty, slap-sticky, suspenseful. PB

Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, 223-4515, May 4-10, 7 pm, 9:20 pm, $6