Thursday Jan 3

MUSIC--Even if the names Vaz (ex-Hammerhead!) or Growing (fka Black Man White Man Dead Man) mean nothing to you, it's a good idea to check out the composed skronk and hilarious composure of punk rock scientists Die Monitor Bats--because, in true Portland form, they're breaking up after only about five shows, so three of their members can move back to stupid Miami Beach. MIAMI BEACH! Whatever. JS See Music pg 13

w/ Glass Candy, Disjecta, 117 NE Russell, 9:30 pm, $5

AIRPORT ART--Might you be taking advantage of cheap fares this Thursday evening? Even if you're not, going to the airport will probably be less of a hassle then trying to navigate through First Thursday. Portland artist Linda Hutchins redefines the category of "airport art" by providing PDX visitors with a gritty, thought-provoking mural installation entitled "Restricted Area." KE

On view through April 6 in the North Lobby of Portland Int'l Airport, between Concourses D & E

Friday Jan 4

BLUEGRASS--Get them overalls on, a jug of shine on your elbow, and tell Granny to put on her dancing boots, 'cause it's time for the Portland Bluegrass Festival. Foot-stompin' favorites such as Jackstraw, Higher Ground, and Sam Hill will be pickin', grinnin' and filling the dance floor with bug-stompin' dancing that'll make Jed Clampett look like a gol-durn carpet bagger. Yeee-HAW!! WSH

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-5555 x8811, 9 pm, $10, All Ages

MILES DAVIS--For fans of Miles Davis, this documentary should be like heroin. The film includes rare interviews, tales of drug addiction and jail, and other interesting facts and performances. It's only running twice, so don't miss it. KD

Guild Theater, SW 9th and Taylor, 221-1156, Fri 7 pm, Sun 3 pm, $6.50

Saturday Jan 5

DJ ZIGZAG--DJ Zigzag is a damn good guy: First, he brought a giant breakdancing competition to P-town, and now he's releasing a CD of funky scritch-scratch, which brings together up both mainstream and underground artists with an uncanny smoothness. KD

Berbati's Pan, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579

OZZY!--In We Sold Our Souls to Rock and Roll, rockumentary filmmaker Penelope Spheeris returns with a loving and hilarious ode to Ozzy Osbourne's travelling freakshow, Ozzfest. Drunken, booby-shaking metal heads get out of control as Ozzy remains the placid, devoted family man. WSH

Guild Theater, SW 9th & Taylor, 221-1156, 9:30 pm, $6.50

Sunday Jan 6

KARAOKE--Don't you just want to heckle when six people in a row get up to sing "Greatest Love of All" at karaoke? Barf! Never fear--my karaoke-fanatic boss, the Mercury's own Wm. Steven Humphrey, has no qualms with chastising anyone--especially jerks who sing boring, slow ballads. That's why, when he hosts karaoke, it's never, ever boring. Humiliating? Maybe. But boring? Never. JS

Karaoke hosted by Wm. Steven Humphrey, Blackbird, 282-9949, 3728 NE Sandy, 9 pm, $3

STRAVINSKY--Shostakovich called Igor Stravinsky's orchestration messy and terrible, proving that everyone's a critic, including brilliant classical composers. Find out what's behind the messy genius in Igor Stravinsky, Janos Darvas' portrait of the man behind the ballets and suites--and even a little jazz! JS

W/Werner Herzog's Death for Five Voices, Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park, 7 pm, $6

Monday Jan 7

FILM--Coke-head nympho daughter and lushy pop are asked by a dying mom to patch up their differences in the thoughtful and entertaining foreign flick, Aberdeen. Forced to bring home her dad (whom she despises) to look after her cancer-stricken mother (whom she also despises), the daughter gets the added bonus of going toe-to-toe with her own demons. WSH

Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7 & 9:10 pm, $6

Tuesday Jan 8

KPSU SHOWCASE--I don't know about you, but I can hardly stand to even turn on the radio these days. KPSU is one of my only saving graces, as they actually play more music than commericals, and--wow--it's really good music! Support them by attending the showcase of their favorite bands. KD

Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash St, 226-0430

Wednesday Jan 9

SEX--So you like to watch people having sex. Fair enough. I challenge you to like Intimacy, then, which is so chock full of X-rated sex scenes, it got banned in its own country. But here's the thing: the sex isn't sexy. I swear! KD

Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, Jan 4-10 8:45, Fri-Sat 10:45, Sat-Sun 4:15, $3-6