MUSIC--Our old buddies Stateside have gone and given themselves a cute, funny, laidback new name: The Joggers. And they've got a new CD to prove it. Their guitars shrieks, their vocals glide along casually, and their songs fall together with a sense of refreshing effortlessness. See them, love them anew. KS

w/The Standard, Dutch Flat; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $6

MUSIC--Here come Cornershop, with their giant bag of inventive sonic mash. They mix up danceables--from rock to reggae to disco--have witty, offbeat lyrics (Brimful Of Asha, what?!) and mixed a 24-hour version of one of their songs. Weirdos. MS

w/Television Eye
; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 224-4400, 8 pm, $12-14


MUSIC--Pedro the Lion belts out the guitar along with sweet, tortured lyrics, and manages to stir up the emotions of even the most sociopath. Their music is the explanation of ennui; sad, pissed off, and yet... a little hopeful. KS

w/Damien Jurado, Gathered in Song, TW Walsh; Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $10

MUSIC--It takes balls and brains for a quartet such as Xiu Xiu to sing about emotional, devastating instances in their lives, but this makes them sound pretty and tragic, yet danceable--an unpredictable, artful peg on modern classical, nihilistic pop, and house music. Your heart will melt with the bittersweet knowledge of humanity's conundrum. JS

w/Sweet Science, Do the Dishes Yellow Swans!, Submarine Songs; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $6


MUSIC--For the misanthrope inside: The Vanishing split open goth and spill punk's blood with their dark keyboard melodies, bass, live drums, and drum machine; in their reflection, they must see the ghost of the goddess herself, Siouxsie Sioux. It is dark, and yet it bumps--hot! JS

w/The Out Crowd, The Strand, Tim Scanlin; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $6

MUSIC--Words can do little justice to describe the beauty of Eric Bachmann, but alas, I will try. His voice is sandy and whiskey-stained, and his music is a little country, but in a good, melodic, indie kind of way. He is always amazing live, plus, he's playing with Pinback. Be still my beating heart. KD

w/Maquiladora; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 224-4400, 8 pm, $12


SCREECH--Okay, this is weird. Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved by the Bell) will perform his stand-up comedy routine, which includes such topics as his infatuation with chess, being recognized at urinals, and Slater's mullet. Along for the ride is Richard Cheese and Lounge Against The Machine, doing lounge-style covers of Limp Bizkit, Nine Inch Nails, and Radiohead. Funny? With a gimmick like that, it better be. WSH

Dante's, 1 SW 3rd Ave, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $15

ART--Oh, crap! This is your last weekend to catch the wonderfully skewed Funny Side-Up art show at Gallery Bink! Featuring bright, cartoony styles, and surrealistic imagery, this exhibit showcases the work of Skip Williamson and J.R. Williams, as well as Mercury cover contributors, Dennis Worden and Kevin Scalzo. Even better--your attendance will piss off your snooty art friends! WSH

Gallery Bink, 1416 E Burnside, 233-8866, 12-4 pm, free


MOVIE--In Japan, they have game shows where contestants get thrown to sharks while onlookers point and laugh. Fun! That's why a Japanese horror flick has jaded-as-fuck, unshockable thrill-seekers panting to be scared. Uzumaki promises to torture, just the way you like it. MS

Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7 pm, $6


HIPHOP--Blackalcious may have signed to MCA, but tight-as hell emcee Gift of Gab and DJ Chief Excel have still preserved their fresh-from-Cali underground sound, while increasing their sophistication. KD

w/Onry Ozzborn, DJ Zeph; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 224-4400, 9 pm, $14-16


WOMEN WITH BALLS--Last year, the Portland Fire were scrappy and often dismissed as a "still developing" team. This, they say, is their year. Led by the tireless Jackie Stiles--last year's WNBA rookie of the year--the team has already shown dogged tenacity (clobbering the commie national team from China in a pre-season match). Home season starts tonight. PB

Rose Garden, 1 Winning Way, 224-4400, 7 pm, $7-75