THURSDAY, December 5

BARN DANCE--Well, do si do and swing her 'round, throw her in the air and go to town! That's right, it's the Old Time Barn Dance: a holiday ho-down presented by the Independent Publishing Resource Center! Come diddle your fiddle with the Foghorn Stringband, learn square dancing with the able tutelage of Bill Martin, and drink cocktails in the name of independent publishing, the most super cause ever! JWS
PPAA Ballroom, 618 SE Alder, 827-0249, 7:30 pm, $30 for cocktail party, $6 for dancing

CHEAP ART--You are poor, so you will go around First Thursday and look at art you maybe will like, but can't afford. And then you will make your way to Reading Frenzy for the Cheap Art Bazaar, where you can finally find that inexpensive baby-head candle and knitted bunny rabbit to put on your mantle. And you won't feel like a corporate ho, cause they were made by someone in your community! JS
Cheap Art Bazaar, Reading Frenzy, 921 SW Oak, 274-1449, 6-9 pm, Through December

FRIDAY, December 6

MUSIC--The bass-heavy tonal music of the 90 Day Men is a perfect way to mellow out in style. Their deep, dark drum implosions go great with burgundy, and their creepy vocals go great with loose knit scarves. Glass Candy will also be there, but they're not very stylish. KS
Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $8

BREAKBEATS--It's that time of the month! No, not that time of the month! It's time to boogie for Bassism and some of the best dance DJs around. Tonight features Electrokid, whose recent work uses 2-step and jungle to ward off agents of mind control. Let him protect you. MS
Fez, 316 SW 11th, 221-7262 ext. 41, 10 pm, $5

SATURDAY, December 7

MEMORABILIA--You don't have to bear the separation anxiety that sets in after your favorite flick hits the credits. No way; you can domesticate and permanently enshrine your favorite scenes and characters thanks to the Hollywood's movie poster and memorabilia sale. Just remember, the early buff gets the stuff. MS
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215, 9 am-1 pm, free

MUSIC--Alright cowboy, it's time to mosey on down to the watering hole to celebrate Tracker's release party for their new album Polk. It's gonna be a bona fide alt-Country fest, with twangy studs, Fernando, and Richmond Fontaine joining in the fun too. Yeehaw! JWS
Satyricon, 125 NW 6th, 243-2380, 9 pm

SUNDAY, December 8

SEDARIS, SORTA--David Sedaris won my eternal love with one story: "The Santaland Diaries." His non-fictional account of working at Macy's as a Christmas elf is so cynical, evil, sad, pathetic, and hilarious that I would call it perfect. Portland Center Stage has adapted the story to the stage, and while nothing can ever top Sedaris' wit on the printed page, seeing a real life version is still totally exciting. KS
w/Truman Capote's A Christmas Memory, Portland Center Stage, 1111 SW Broadway, 274-6588, 2 pm & 7 pm, $12-$47

PUNK ROCK--Like your punk rock with a little bit more flavor than a warm PBR? Then see The Explosion on what looks like their last tour before going major label. Their forcefully chanted lyrics, tight performance, relentless energy, and political agenda will inspire you to write something on the bathroom wall tonight, besides "Arlene Wentz is a slut." KS
w/One Man Army, Madcap, No Thanks to You; Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $9

MONDAY, December 9

FILM--Disgruntled youth unite! And while you're at it, come on by the cinema for an evening of the most pleasant and touching portrayal of youthful disenchantment you'll ever see, in Igby Goes Down. You won't find car chases, fistfights, or even Halle Berry in a bikini, but rather a boy at odds with his mother and his purpose in life. Sound boring? Think again! It's mesmerizing, hilarious, and poignant, all at once. JWS
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215, 7:10 & 9:20, $3

TUESDAY, December 10

MUSIC--Like math rock that stabs you with its dizzying angles, then cleanses with honey vocals? V for Vendetta, a heavy/melodic duo of utmost precision, takes aim from Providence, RI to shoot out your eye with their time changes. Get there early for King Cobra, the new band featuring Betsy from Ibobuki and Rachel from The Need! JS
w/Rizzudo; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 242-9949, 9 pm

MAN BASHING--Studies conducted last year at Cornell University likened testosterone to a heavy dosage of meth or crack cocaine. One little squirt of the stuff can completely hijack rational thought. A man himself, Charles Kreiner, presents his ominous lecture: "Men: Born to Kill." With the U.S. at the brink of global war, hear some ways to re-wire men's thought processes. PB
First Unitarian Church, 1011 SW 12th Ave, 228-6389, 7 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, December 11

DIM SUM ART--There's only one thing better than art: interactive art! So God bless the good folk at cool nonprofit organization Red76 for putting together Dim Sum, an installation loaded with art that can be seen, smelt, licked and heard. The gallery will be set up like a restaurant, with tables, drinks, and menus that "are incredibly hard to figure out and only vaguely give you an idea of what you might get." Don't forget your chopsticks! JWS
Gavin Shettler Gallery, 625 NW Everett, 481-7450, 5-9 pm, free