ART--Get this: 22 artists selling their wares to the sounds of DJ No Fader at the brand new happening Portland boutique/gallery, Motel. Art viewing/envying/ buying has never been less pretentious or more fun. And worry not, there will even be cool stuff in the "extremely poor person" price range, and it's always free to look. KS
Motel, NW Couch between 5th & 6th, 222-6699, 6:30-9:30 pm

PUNK LEGEND--Mike Watt rules for a number of reasons. We'll list four: 1) He's an incredible bass guitarist; 2) He founded the Minutemen, one of the most important underground bands EVER; 3) He wrote an entire punk opera about his father; 4) He's been doing his own thing and not giving a shit for over 25 years. JWS
w/Caustic Resin, Mike Johnson; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $12

FRIDAY, April 4

MOVIE--Da-aaad, I hate it when you embarrass me in front of every small-minded Christian in town! That's how Even Benestad must have felt at times, being raised by his respected physician/scandalous transvestite father. But instead of whining about it, he made a beautiful documentary, All About My Father, and got money and a career out of it! 'Atta boy! MS
Guild Theatre, SW 9th & Taylor, 221-1156, 7:30 pm, $6.50

NAKED SHOPPING SPREE--You haven't seen a contest like this before! Tonight at the Red Light Clothing Exchange, six lucky shoppers will be chosen to strip down to their skivvies, and given three minutes to dash around the store putting on as many clothes as possible. Each of the contestants will go home with whatever they've put on, but the person wearing the most clothes will win over $800 in cash and merchandise! Wotta hoot! Winona Ryder would've loved this! WSH
Red Light, 3590 SE Hawthorne, 963-8888, 7 pm, free


DJ--New York breeds bad girls; just take a peep at Princess Superstar if you're still an unbeliever. This sassy-ass blonde can spit with the best hiphop punks, but tonight she'll be working her DJ side project alongside Alexander Technique. Entitled "DJs Are Not Rock Stars," the Princess will be getting a workout spinning on FOUR turntables. What will she do next? Juggle bowling balls?? WSH
w/DJ P, DJ Magneto, and DJ Kyle T; Ohm, 31 NW 1st, 224-TIXX, 9 pm, $13

MUSIC--With a crowbar, the Black Keys smash up traditional Delta blues; then, with girders of power chords and fuzz-boxed vocals, rebuild the music into aggressive, snarling ballads. They make a Saturday night worth leaving the house. PB
w/Natron; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 10 pm, $8

SUNDAY, April 6

MUSIC--While I've never been one to take a ride on the hype bandwagon, I will say with much confidence that Conor Oberst (aka Bright Eyes) is our generation's Bob Dylan. I know this has been said about way too many artists over the years, but few artists have ever made such an intense presence on the music scene as Oberst, who by the way is still only 22 years old. Come see him now before he stops being political, loses his mind, paints his face Kabuki white and finds Jesus. CM
w/Arab Strap; Aladdin Theatre, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 233-1994, $15, 8 pm

THEATER--As a playgoer, I have always had two lifelong goals: 1) to see Sir Ian McKellan perform at London's Royal National Theatre, and 2) to see a one-man show pairing rebel slave Nat Turner with sadistic cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer. Incredibly, my second lifelong goal is about to come to fruition, when I go see Paul Outlaw's Berserker, an extended soliloquy on victims, villains, rage, race, and desire. Sounds like gooooood eatin'! JWS
Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, 239-5919, 5 pm, $10

MONDAY, April 7

MUSIC & FOOSBALL--With sweet coed harmonies, and a penchant for a little Gram Parsons twang every now and then, The And/Ors are truly a drunken gift of sincere pop music. They are further proof that rock music can be a little vintage without being soulless and ironic. Plus their obsession with early Teenage Fanclub-esque vocal interplay, and fuzzed-out guitars, makes their live show all the more special. Plus! Tonight there's free foosball! CM
Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 9 pm, $5

TUESDAY, April 8

MUSIC--On their last album, Amore Del Tropico, Black Heart Procession departed from its usual darkly depressing orchestrations and incorporated an upbeat island carnival sound, calling it the "soundtrack to a tropical murder mystery." The melancholy undertones still exist, though, and I'm sure they'll be playing some old favorites, so don't worry, you'll still have an opportunity to sulk. KS
w/Radar Brothers; Aladdin, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 233-1994, 8 pm, $12


ELECTRONIC COMPOSER--This cool guy Nobukazu Takemura uses his laptop to create light and shockingly layered, super-pretty abstract glitch that will bring joy and profound curiosity to your life. His song "USINE" sounds like funky, fractured dollops of liquid glass and I can't stop sweating it! JS
w/A Grape Dope (John Herndon), Matt Lux;
Medicine Hat, 1834 NE Alberta, 9 pm, $8

LYRICS BORN--He sings over thick true-funk joints, he raps with a smooth, matter-of-fact flow, and he has an all-purpose advice column on How many rappers do you know with an advice column? Lyrics Born is definitely the shit. JS
Berbati's Pan, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm, $8-10