THURSDAY, December 11

MUSIC--With unique dubby abstractions and ambient rhythms, SF/Portland collective EQ and Nomadic Noise make international beats for global living. With live instruments, laptop beats, and field samples from lands far and wide, it's like going on vacation, but way cheaper. JS
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 239-7639, 9:30 pm, $5

GET QUEER!--Promoting his newest CD Want One, Rufus Wainwright comes to town spouting beautiful tunes and crafty lyricism. This out-and-about queer is a topnotch musician whose dreamy style shouldn't be missed. But the night isn't over yet! Following the show, shake that gay thang at Nocturnal's newest all-ages Queer dance night! WSH
Rufus Wainwright, Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $25. His 'N Hers All Ages Queer Dance Night, Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, 8 pm, $4

FRIDAY, December 12

FILM PREMIERE--Chuck Palahniuk is a supernova cultural phenomenon. Tonight, the Man himself will be in attendance to introduce the world premiere of Postcards From The Future, a documentary covering three days in Palahniuk's life. No advance seating. Only 240 seats. Yeah, you'd better go and line up NOW! GO! PB
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 8:30 pm, $8

HIPHOP--Who's milkshake is better than yours? NYC's Jean Grae's, that's what! With her sharp rhymes about being broke and being real, and rap indictments that'll wake you up quicker than Missy, it would be a travesty to miss this show, especially after her last appearance with Can Ox got the axe. JS
w/Cali Agents, OMD; Ash Street, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 9:30 pm, $11

SATURDAY, December 13

LUNCH--Cheers to catharsis. Tonight, Lydia Lunch will launch into her spoken word/musical spew of sex & drugs & politics. The woman's a legend. Joining her is Glass Candy, the glamorous and well-heeled duo of retroish "Death Disco" (electro garage rock). MS
Ash Street, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 9 pm, $10

SANTA--In the name of "holiday cheer," start drinking at two! Yo, it's Santacon 2003, an epic bar crawl through the city. YOU MUST WEAR A COMPLETE SANTA COSTUME. (NO KIDDING.) Or, you could just go to Hail Santa II, where the drunken Santas will wind up anyways. Music, elves, pirates, and ho ho hos. MS
Santacon: meet at Saturday Market, 2 pm; Hail Santa, Jasmine Tree, 401 SW Harrison, 8:30 pm, $5

SUNDAY, December 14

PUNKS OF PROSE--Check out some serious indie scribes as they blow through in the Perpetual Motion Roadshow. Joe Meno has a dope Punk Planet column, edits the skateboard mag Bail, and has a new novel coming out next August through Akashic, Hairstyles of the Damned. Tyler Clark Burke makes 3-D drawings, and Razorcake editor Todd Taylor has committed himself to proving "punk's not just for boneheads." Join his cause tonight! JWS
Reading Frenzy, 921 SW Oak, 274-1449, 7 pm, free

INDIA--DAMN it's been rainy and nasty lately! Warm up tonight with some crazy booty shaking, India style! Tonight NDN'SYNC present DesiPalooza III, a "winter break mega dance party" replete with bhangra and all the latest Indian pop and dance hits. This ain't no Ravi Shankar, Grandma! JWS
PSU's Hoffman Hall, 810-0976, 10 pm, $6

MONDAY, December 15

NERDTASTIC--You can't just go WATCH the upcoming Return of the King--you gotta prepare! Tonight, see BOTH previous flicks in the series, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers FOR FREE! There will be a costume contest, trivia games, and booze a-plenty. Don't dig on Tolkien? Come anyway, because the upstairs area will feature local animation shorts from the folks who brought you the Portland Indy Animation Festival! JWS
Nocturnal, 1800 E. Burnside, LOTR party at 6 pm, 21 and over, animation shorts at 8 pm, all ages, BOTH FREE

TUESDAY, December 16

BOWLING FOR PHIL--All right, Vera Katz! Pack yer bags, because the Mercury's Phil Busse is running for Mayor. And to kick off his campaign, he's throwing a Me for Mayor Bowling Party with music from DJ Hot Air Balloon. Five bucks pays for your admission and shoes, then it's only 25 cents a game after that! WOW! Busse is already turning this goddamn city around! WSH
AMF Pro 300 Bowling Center, 3031 SE Powell, 8 pm, $5 covers admission and shoes, 25 cents per game

WEDNESDAY, December 17

LAPTOP BATTLE--Laptop musicians face off against each other for the illustrious title of "winner." Sixteen contestants including Strategy, [[[VVRSSNN]]], Deceptikon, Brian Foote, Glomm, and Dizzystarhouse play sets while a panel of reputable judges choose who's the dopest. A daunting task, for sure. KS
Laptop Battle, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5

MORE BOWLING--Nothing goes better with drinking and bowling than the music of party rock band Party Time. Trust me. And if you've got the whole evening free, show up early and get drunk at the Pump Room Lounge. You better bowl, I swear. KS
Grand Central, 808 SE Morrison, 232-5166; Party Time w/Lion Fever and DJ Maximillion, 10 pm, free