THURSDAY, january 1

BLAXPLOITATION--You gotta go to the Clinton Street Theater today and catch their Blaxploitation Marathon, featuring 12 hours of super-sweet soul brothers taking on a host of all-day suckas! Five bucks will get you in and out all day, but you won't wanna miss a minute of Mean Joe Green, Billy Dee Williams, Richard Lawson, and Fred Williamson as Mean Johnny Barrows. Can you DIG IT?!? WSH

Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, Noon-Midnight, $5

WRESTLING--So you're hungover. What do you do now? How about getting your ass down to the Ash Street where they pour a generous cocktail (the best cure for a hangover is getting drunk). There you will see the infamous Portland Elvis wrestle as the Hulk, plus many more nail-biting wrestling matches. Keep the partying streak going and show 2004 what kind of year it's gonna be. KS

Ash Street, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 9 pm

FRIDAY, january 2

TERROR--Tonight a truly chilling musical beast stalks the innocent, cozy corridors of Nocturnal. Sleepytime Gorilla Museum fuses straight-up guitar thrash with lunatic violin strains, eerie homemade instrument drones, and monstrous vocals from Nils Frykdahl. Their live show, with the help of well-applied creepy makeup and unrelenting stage presence, is nightmarishly visionary. Bring the kiddies; it's all-ages. JWS

w/Dredg, Malibu Falcon; Nocturnal, 1800 E. Burnside, 239-5900, 9 pm, $10

MUSIC--A bluesy breakdown, a clickity clang, lyrics shouted through a megaphone--Coachwhips satisfy that desire for rhythm and rock and roll, that keeps one foot in hedonism and the other in the blue collar shakedown. Also, singer/ guitarist John Dwyer will famously sacrifice ribs or instruments for the sake of a good show. JS

Million, 116 NE Russell, 9:30 pm, $6

SATURDAY, january 3

WESTSIDE--Noting correctly that hiphop has been getting more and more benign and increasingly lacking in hardcore shit, muthafuckin' Ice Cube, WC, and Mack 10 (aka Westside Connection) are here to set us straight. Bust a gat to that. MS

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-0047, 9 pm, $25, all ages

DANCE PARTY--Holocene's weekly dance party, Atlas, is sweeping the nation! What's the secret? Is it the global beats the culturally edified Atlas DJs spin? Or is it the plethora of mega-hotties out on that dance floor? Or could it be the sweet guests that blow through, like Tomas, breakbeat master and editor of your favorite e-music magazine XLR8R, who will be layin' down the line tonight!? Or could it be... ah, who cares? We're too busy shakin' it! JWS

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, free before 10 pm, $5

SUNDAY, january 4

CARTOON DANCE PARTY--Feeling a bit regressive? Feeling like shaking your booty? This afternoon's Breakfast of Champions is just for you: A Pop Tart and cereal breakfast, cartoons on the big screen and a funkalicious dance party! Come straight from morning yoga, or from your morning hangover. Either way, you're sure to find a new religion! PB

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 239-7639, noon-3 pm, $3

ROCK--The Seattle band Himsa's dense sound is coupled with gruff, demonic vocals that reign over the chaos like a human thunderstorm breaking over a hurricane. Overall, a very intense affair, tightly packaged to knock you on your ass. Plus, check out the Meow Meow's new space, in the old B Complex. JM

Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd, 9 pm, $7, all ages

MONDAY, january 5

DJ MARANTIC--Can you keep up with all these changes? Cal-Sport is now Slabtown, and Marantic has migrated there from Tony's and is now spinning his theme nights on Mondays instead of Sundays, ya hear? The first theme: No Theme!! I know, it's so confusingÉ MS

Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th, 9 pm, free

TUESDAY, january 6

ATARI NIGHT--Get your old-school game on with Atari Game Night at Nocturnal! And while you're busting out your PacMan, Combat, and Berserk skills (on the BIG screen, no less), DJs Seoul Brother #1 and 01 Atom 13 will be spinning hiphop, soul, and '80s funkification for your enjoyment. Plus! On the off-chance you hate videogames, good old fashioned board games will be provided. WSH

Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, 239-5900, 8 pm, 21 and over, Free

TV COOKING SHOWS--Even if you don't learn anything about soufflés or whipping up a meringue, both Julia Childs and French-born chef Jacques Pepin are so perversely entertaining that an hour passes faster than the time it takes to boil an egg. Tonight, Pix Patisserie continues their film series with a few episodes from the Emmy-winning cooking show, Jacques and Julia Cooking At Home. PB

Pix Patisserie, 3402 SE Division, 232-4407, 6 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, january 7

STORY--Jim Goad may be an emotionally volatile asshole, but he's damn funny. Sarcastic, biting, witty, hilariousÉ he's my kind of entertainer. Tonight he'll be telling a story, who knows about what, but I'm sure it will involve booze or a fight; probably both. Anyway, Voodoo Doughnuts just keeps doing the cool shit. KS

Voodoo Doughnut, 22 SW 3rd, 8 pm, free