THURSDAY, February 5

ART & FUN--Lotsa lotsa art at First Thursday this month, and some of it's actually good! Begin at the Art Institute, where computerized interactive monster art (!!?) will tickle your fingertips. From there, stroll downtown to the "Indierock Block," where Reading Frenzy, Half and Half, and Retread Threads present an art auction, carvings by Corey Lunn, and a jewelry design show. Next, saunter across the Hawthorne Bridge to the smut-tastic Dino's, where more erotic art will be on display, alongside an erotic buffet! FINALLY, with a belly full of penis-shaped cake, head a few blocks north to the fun, fun Holocene for a special after hours First Thursday dance party!! Can you handle it? JWS
Art Institute, 1122 NW Davis; Reading Frenzy etc., 921 SW Oak; Dino's, 1008 SE Hawthorne; Holocene dance party starts at 9 pm, 1001 SE Morrison, $2

FRIDAY, February 6

BEER! MOVIES!--It's back! Portland's favorite movie fest, the Mercury Winter Prozac Film Series at the Clinton Street Theater! Where else can you A) Drink Beer, B) watch campy movies, and C) HECKLE and be as loud as you want? NOWHERE, that's where! This week our cheer-up film is Fast Times at Ridgemont High, so come prepared to scream and hoot at Phoebe Cates' boobies! WSH
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 10 pm, $6 admission, $2 beer, $2 pizza

MUSIC--Thin Lizzy vs. Party Time. Who will win? Thin Lizzy's heart-ripping and ear-splitting guitar harmonies or Party Time's gut-wrenching, beer-spilling power chords? This is the most exciting face off in recent memory; and I know for a fact Party Time is going to be playing their goddamn balls off. AB
w/DJ Oatmeal; Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9 pm, $20

SATURDAY, February 7

BAZAAR--If you were smart, you got all your X-mas shopping done in one weekend last year, and wowed your friends and fam with creative one-of-a-kinds from the handmade bazaar. At this Saturday's Valentine's Day version, celebrate a Hallmark holiday without patronizing Hallmark. MS
Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, 239-5900, 12-5 pm, All Ages, free

MUSIC--Saturday night's gone global. The newly revamped Red Sea's hiphop night has a dancehall lounge with DJ Uni-T, and E3's ongoing off-the-chainical dance party. Meanwhile, Atlas brings sounds like Afro-house and reggaeton straight into Inner SE. Heat it up! JS
Red Sea, 318 SW 3rd, 241-5450; Atlas: Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 239-7639, $5, free before 10 pm

SUNDAY, February 8

BIKE RIDE--Rain, cold, sleet or snow are not reasons to stay off your bike. For the folks at the Community Cycling Center, they are reasons FOR a bike ride. Called "Worst Day of the Year Ride," today's 15-mile route loops up Mt. Tabor and hops over the river before crossing a finish line where bowls of chili and chowder await. PB
Ride starts at Lucky Lab, 915 SE Hawthorne, 546-8864, 9 am, $18 registration fee

FOOSBALL--Have you ever seen a group of third-graders play soccer? Utter chaos! They don't have even half the discipline of a team of foosball guys. Standing ramrod straight, never flinching, those little guys are always at their positions! Put your best foosball skills to work at the Jolly Inn's weekly tournament, and drink lots of beer doing it. PB
Jolly Inn, 1927 SE 11th, 6 pm

MONDAY, February 9

WRESTLING--Oooh, man on man, my favorite. Hot, sweaty, raw man on man, nothing can top it, especially when it's Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg, World Champion Triple H, Chris Jericho, and more, wrestling each other silly for the latest title at WWE Raw. I know we all miss the Rock whupping everyone's ass, but the wrestling must go on. KS
Rose Quarter, One Center Ct., 797-9617 for tickets, 4:30 doors, 5:30 show, $24.25-$50.50

TUESDAY, February 10

SOFTCORE--When I was in high school I must have seen 9 1/2 Weeks 10 times. Obviously I was familiarizing myself with the head games, mental anguish, and sexual gymnastics that come along with adult relationships. Check out this classic Mickey Rourke/Kim Basinger softcore film in the company of plenty of attractive singles; and who knows, maybe you and that guy down the bar can go home and recreate that erotic food scene. KS
XV, 15 SW 2nd, 9 1/2 Weeks followed by Bound, 9 pm, free

WEDNESDAY, February 11

BATTLE--Upping the laptop battle ante, Battle of the Knobs pits local laptopians in a death-match of "Electronic Music Warfare," using outboard gear like synths and mics, and blasting bombs from their computers. Mad Max is totally crying right now. JS
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 239-7639, 8 pm, $5

OFFICE PARTY--Recapture that certain magic of an office party by donning your best business casual and grinding up next to the boss--no, no, the mailroom guy! Whatever your office fantasy, live it to dance music, from rock to office radio jams. Power Point! MS
w/(live band TK), DJ Hot Air Balloon; Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd, 517-0824, 9 pm, $5

Support The Portland Mercury

SLAY Film Fest
In person at the Clinton St. Theater 10/29 & 10/30