KUNG FU--The last thing you want to do on a day off is choke down stringy turkey while listening to the racist tirades of your senile great aunt. So instead, hit the Thanksgiving Kung Fu Marathon! This year features 12 hours of awesome chop-socky flicks, from Sonny Chiba's bloody The Street Fighter to Jim "The Dragon" Kelly's hilarious The Black Samurai, to at least one appearance by the Grand Master of Ass Kicking, Bruce Lee. This year, let us be thankful for kung fu. EH
The Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, noon to midnight, $5 gets you in and out all day

X-MAS LIGHT SHOW--These are not your grandfather's stale, boring, blinking Christmas lights. These are reindeers playing soccer. Santa Claus ski jumping. Full-sized Loch Ness monsters (with Santa hats). Put away those Pink Floyd laser shows for the holidays. The annual Winter Wonderland Light show is here, you big, fat, bong-huffing stoner! PB
International Raceway, hotline 821-4396, Exit 306-B off I-5, 5-10 pm, $14 per vehicle


HOLIDAY PARADE--Brave the crowds for the annual Meier and Frank Holiday Parade--or better yet, watch it on TV while drinking Bloody Marys and downing pills. The parade is followed by the opening of Meier and Frank's "Santaland," and the holiday tree lighting ceremonyÉ another activity that goes great with Marys and pills. AH
Parade, Downtown, 9 am; Tree, Pioneer Courthouse Square, 5:30 pm, both free

BUY NOTHING DAY--Yep, it's that time again. But instead of imagining the Old Navy sweaters you could be purchasing, join the Enteractive Language Festival in building misfit toys, watching a dance performance by Kiss the Goat, and shaking your cares away to the anarchy-themed DJ music of Buy My Cabbage. Plus, get your drink on at a confessional bar where you trade your stories of gluttonous consumerism for beer. KS
Buy Nothing Day Celebration, Scarlett Ballroom, 700 NE Dekum, 8 pm, free


MUSIC--Representatives of Berlin-based electronic label MORR Music (home of releases by such notables as Múm, Ms. John Soda, B. Fleishman, and Styrofoam) swing through this week as part of the label's annual package tour. Check the airy electro-pop of Lali Puna, B. Fleishman's Duo 505, and Anticon rep Alias. ZP
Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10-$12

ELF PARTY--It's the last night of the 2 Gyrlz Enteractive Language Festival that isn't a school night, and they're celebrating with Language of the Body II: Electric Boogaloo, which is their most uncharacteristically fun-sounding title yet! Look for high-energy dancing, video installations, and booze! MS
w/Suckapunch & more; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5-15


JACK--Bring the queers over here! Making our fair urban center an even more enticing refuge are the increasing number of queer friendly institutions, like newby, twice monthly Jack: Queer As F**k. This installment features the spinning tastes of DJ Boy of PDX Church of Girl radio. MS
Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 5 pm, $3

WAREHOUSE SHOW--Looking for the newest up-n-coming music venues? Well, this one's so new it doesn't even have a name yet! A relocated homeless shelter is Portland's newest home for rock, and you can get a sneak preview of the space tonight plus a performance by fun mathy progsters 31 Knots. Hey, here's an ideaÉ name it "Karen"! "Karen" is a pretty name. WSH
Unnamed Warehouse Space, 20 NW 3rd, 10 pm, $5


METAL--Finally! Megadeth is back on the road after vocalist/guitarist Dave Mustaine suffered nerve damage two years ago. But let this be a warning to you: Megadeth won't be around forever. So stop saying to yourself "Oh, maybe I'll see Megadeth next yearÉ" The time to unleash your inner metalhead is NOW. AH
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $26.50

MUSIC--Indierock hero Mike Kinsella returns to town with his solo project, Owen. His songs are somber and revealing without venturing into the sniveling realm of most singer/songwriters. He's sweet. He's neat. See the show, yo. KS
Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd, 7:30, $8


STRIPPAHS--Tuesday night is hotty-totty nudie cutie night at the Devil's Point featuring the luscious tattooed lassies of A site known for pumping up the erotic in the alternative community, tonight's hoedown at the Point comes complete with $1 PBRs, good music, and (my favorite) clothing-optional strippers. WSH
Devil's Point, 5305 SE Foster, 10 pm-2 am, free (but bring those tips)


REPLACEMENTS COVER BANDS--From their angry, smashy guitar punk to their more plaintive ballads, The Replacements were the highlight of the '80s, applying musical integrity to a scornful decade. They deserve respect, dammit! And tonight they get it! A night full of hard-partying local acts covering Minneapolis' great neo-punk band. PB
Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 8:30 pm