Jenna Roadman

Clothing Philosopher

Sassy Jenna actually had a list of 10 things you could wear that would send her screaming to the hills. We finally managed to calm her and pare them down to five. So don't upset her:

--DON'T wear one neon piece with an otherwise dull outfit: "Repeat after me: 'My Banana Republic khakis do not match my electroclash neon pink heels.'"

--DON'T wear Bettie Page bangs & black hair: "PLEASE, after five years of messy, carpet-staining black hair dye and weekly bang trims, it's time to get over the 'I'm so cute, but naughty' look."

--DON'T wear glitter: "This make-up accessory died with raves, so trash it along with your Robert Miles/Paul Oakenfold records."

--DON'T get Kanji symbol tattoos: "Meaning 'perseverance' or 'eternal strength.' Oh, it's permanent you say? WHOOPS!"

--DON'T allow room between your crotch and jeans: "If any oxygen can reach your private parts, and your ass crack cannot be traced, then your jeans are not tight enough. (Some yeast infections may occur)."

Steph Shearer

From Crush

1412 SE Morrison

It's fitting that Steph works at Crush, because everyone has a crush on her. She's cute, and above all else, has a straightforward approach to fashion. Here's a few of her "don't its" to help steer the wayward fashion culprit in the right direction:

--DON'T wear fishnet knee-highs with knee-length skirts: "You want to wear them with a short skirt? Fine. Or wear a knee-length skirt with full hosiery. But don't compromise."

--DON'T wear business skirts with slits in the back and a slip showing: "You know, you can buy slips with slits in the back, too."

--DON'T wear a fleece pullover with a nice dress: "Why not buy a real winter coat?"

--DON'T wear UGG Boots: "Those suede boots with fur trimmed tops are called 'UGG' for a reason."

--DON'T be a man in high-waisted pants: "They create 'camel toe' in the ass. What would you call that? Bull Hoof?"