Submitted by Christopher Baird...

Moderator: As you know, we've completed the semi-final round of our bracket for dinner choices.

(crowd murmurs, unhappily)

M: I know, I know. Many of us are unhappy with the final choices, but here we are and crying won't change it. Now, we leave it to you: stewed beets or strychnine.

BernieOrBuster: I wanted turnips!

M: Well, turnips lost to stewed beets.

BoB: I don't accept that! Stewed beets stole this from us.

M: Um...not really, but it's moot. Please choose between stewed beets and strychnine.

BoB: I'm writing in rutabaga

M: That would be risky. I mean, for some reason stewed beets and strychnine are running neck-and-neck.

BoB: Beets can shove a can up its ass sideways!

M: I see you're upset, but if strychnine wins then we all have to eat it.

BoB: So?!? It's the same thing either way.

M: Not really, see one is a disgusting vegetable that tastes like dirt and stains your fingers red. The other is poison.

BoB: Right, same thing.

M: Um... no. There's an actual, material, identifiable differ—

Strychnine: Mexicans pick beets!

BoB: Is that true?

M: What? Yes, but is that important?


Sarah Silverman: You're being ridiculous.

M: Strychnine can actually kill you.

BoB: Down with beets! Down with beets!