You know, I think it’s unfair that us devil worshippers have all the awesome celebrities on our side (Louis CK, Emma Stone, Ernest Borgnine) while Christians barely have anybody. But the “anybody” they DO have is pretty awesome, and that “anybody” is KIRK MOTHER-BONING CAMERON—best known as Mike Seaver from Growing Pains, and star of the hilariously amazing X-tian films Left Behind and Fireproof.

So what’s Kirk up to now? He’s taking a break from histrionic fiction to direct and star in a new documentary (“documentary” means it’s REAL, yo) about how America is a land of shit, and what we can do to fix it. It’s called Monumental, it’s set to debut in late March, and according to Kirk, it will totally freaking blow… your… mind.

As he says in the trailer below, “Something is sick in the soul of our nation, and history tells me [and by “history” he means “Jesus Christ”] if we don’t change our course now,” adding that “History hasn’t been just forgotten… it’s been rewritten.” WHAAAAT THAAAA FAAAAAAACK??? Watch this quick, because you don’t want to spend another second blinded by false prophet history teachers, or missing Kirk’s scenes where he soulfully and sadly stares at the sky. What are you seeing up there, Kirk? Jesus re-writing our fake history on a celestial blackboard? Ask him if I can go to the bathroom.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

2 replies on “Kirk Cameron Makes Doc About America’s “Growing Pains” (GET IT?!?!?)”

  1. What is wrong with trying to embrace the principles of law and order, paying your debts,acting resposibly towards others, oh, I guess it’s that we can do whatever grabs us and the Government will bail us out!

Comments are closed.