Last night, as the world yawned its way through a particularly desperate-to-seem-relevant Oscars, came the greatest tweet Portland has ever seen:
(#B2A, naturally, is another way of hashtagging #Boots2Asses, which, along with #TeamBringIt, define much of the Rock’s funny/sweet/inspirational Twitter output. With all of my heart, I urge you: Follow him.)
YES: The one and only Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, President of the Future, is currently in Portland for tonight’s WWE Raw—and while the WWE flatly ignored the Mercury‘s request for an interview with the Rock, that grievous insult isn’t going to stop me from watching Rock YouTubes all day long.
I have also demanded that Mercury NewsTeam™ reporter Sarah Mirk immediately email Mayor Sam Adams to ask what the chances are that he will present the Rock with the key to the city sometime this afternoon. As of this posting, Mayor Adams’ office has yet to respond to the Mercury regarding this pressing issue. See below for the official response from the office of Mayor Sam Adams.
ONWARD.
UPDATE: From Cary Clarke, the arts policy director in the office of Mayor Sam Adams, comes this official explanation of why there are no (current) plans to present the Rock with the key to the city:
What need does a superhuman have for keys? Superhumans simply let themselves in wherever they please, whatever mere mortals might have to say about it, don’t they?
I am disappointed and angered, and yet: I find that I cannot argue with Mr. Clarke’s observations.
#TeamBringIt
#Boots2Asses
#PimpsDontCommitSuicide
I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
Your obsession with this guy is maybe even more disturbing than Humpy’s love of Bieber. Mostly because it seems so genuine.
Normally I’m a closet wrestling fan but the presence of the GREAT ONE in Portland makes me excited. It’s a damn shame I’ll be taking an exam when the Rock is LAYING THE SMACKDOWN ON ALLLLLL YOUR CANDY ASSES.
okay. i’ll go back to my hole now.
Three things:
1) Professional rasslin’ is amazing
2) Will Joneser be live blogging RAW?
3) Cary Clarke needs to be hit with the Rock Bottom and/or People’s Elbow
Thank you Erik for reporting on this administrations failure to meet the needs of the citizenry. Needless to say, I WILL NOT be voting for Sam in the upcoming elections.