According to this 2011 report from the Portland Bureau of Transportation, “80 percent of people on bikes were counted wearing helmets citywide, 3 percent more than in 2010.” To PBOT I would respond, TIME FOR A RECOUNT! And this time, be sure to count the IDIOTS.

For the past few days I’ve been counting bicyclists to see if they’re wearing helmets or not. Day before yesterday, I counted 20 cyclists within 15 minutes—11 wearing helmets, while nine weren’t. THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE 80 PERCENT TO ME.

Today in my brief lunchtime walk to the food carts and back, I spotted 25 cyclists downtown. Guess how many of these people weren’t wearing helmets?

15 of ’em.

Again, not quite “80 percent!”

Now, I’m not faulting PBOT (love that name, btw) on their calculations—and I’m not saying my quick counts are all “scientifical”—but the difference that I’ve personally noticed between this year and last summer so far is pretty astounding. And I would like to note that in most cases, the helmetless riders I spotted seemed to be young and had the means to afford a helmet.

BUT! Before I leap into my final thoughts, I’ll head off the first five commenters responding to this post by showing you a picture of me:

grump.jpeg

That being noted, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP?? Am I completely nuts, or are there a lot more people riding without helmets this year? And if you agree, why do you think that is? And if you don’t wear a helmet, how come? (I’ll restrain from further calling you an idiot, because we hold this truth to be self-evident.) Again… WHAT THE FUCK IS UP??

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

36 replies on “Dear Portland Idiots: WHERE ARE YOUR HELMETS?!?”

  1. True story: I was riding with a helmet yesterday and a helmetless rider saw me and said, “I wish I could fit into a helmet! My head is just so freakin’ big!”

  2. Here’s a new Mad Libs game: “A quick search on the tubes reveals studies that both support and refute ______________.”

    It’s impossible to lose this game. hat tip to @azure.

  3. It depends where and when you look. My experience has always been that if you watch cyclists during rush hour (which is probably over half the daily total), they are almost all good respectful cyclists, wearing helmets and obeying every law in the book. If you watch cyclists going down Alberta at 10pm, at least half have no lights and are wearing all black (aka “organ donors”).

  4. @1
    I wouldn’t say I’m a “helmet Nazi”—but only because I love Jews. I’m more of a “helmet fascist.”

    BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, if we can kinda all agree that helmets won’t save you if you get plowed over by a garbage truck, but CAN save you from getting your head split open when you fall over, then why aren’t people wearing helmets?

  5. @Stu

    Point taken! But then why during lunch hour downtown when there was a LOT of traffic, did I see 15 out of 25 cyclists without their helmets?

    (I’m not trying to be obstinate here—at least not more than usual—but I am trying to figure out why I’m seeing seemingly more of this behavior.)

  6. Yup. April 15, 1996 I was riding my bike in Seattle and a car turned left on a red and hit me. I flew up in the air, landed on my head and my helmet kind of exploded into a few pieces. I just ended up with a stiff neck for a few days. It would have been a different story had I not been wearing the helmet.

    Bike touring in the middle of nowhere I’m less inclined to wear a helmet, but in the city with traffic, always.

  7. I bike every day. I used to wear a helmet, then the strap broke and I started riding sans protection, and found I kinda liked it. Wind in the hair and what not. Deep down I know I’m being an idiot. Not so deep down I feel cool passing by those worried-faced 5 pm commuters with like 6 blinking red lights and mirrors and dopey Giros. It’s like anything else–rebellion makes us feel like we’re more likely to get laid. I feel like this is all very obvious.

  8. @5: No, they don’t. If I fall, I’m not going to land on my head. If I get hit by a car, that’s certainly likely.

    There is also a wide body of anecdotal experience that illustrates drivers give helmet-less riders more room on the road and view them as more vulnerable than helmeted riders.

    Instead of bickering about helmet use, let’s keep making the streets safer for all Portlanders. Idiot.

  9. Riding without a helmet definitely feels better, looks cooler and is significantly less cumbersome — but it’s also a completely stupid risk to take in a city full of slippery street car tracks, tree-obscured stop signs and drowsy idiots in 2-ton deathmobiles.

    Also, like Alex Z, I also have a shockingly gigantic head, and I was able to find a large women’s helmet that works and looks reasonably cute from Bern and the REI outlet page. They’re out there, just harder to find, especially for ladies.

  10. @13: Huh, I’ve had probably four good spills over the last decade (only once from being hit by a car) and in each case I whacked my head pretty good into the pavement. Without a helmet, at least two of those (especially the one caused by the car) would have ended in at least a concussion, but quite possibly some mild form of TBI.

    @Steve: I think what’s going on is that this is early in the season, so you’ve got a bunch of fair-weather bikers out who think they’re invincible. Happens every year. They’ll get weeded out by their own idiocy and/or laziness. I think the start of the season is one of the worst times to be a regular bike commuter, because you’ve got all these idiots who don’t know basic safety or road courtesy clogging up the lanes.

  11. @ Steve #9 Because I’ve been riding bicycles for almost 50 years and have never just fallen over and hit my head.

    For all practical purposes bicycle helmets for general use didn’t even exist when I was riding as a child and teenager and OMG I lived to make this post in 2012.

    Based on your logic, all pedestrians should be wearing helmets, too, since I’ve actually seen more of them fall and hit their heads than cyclists.

  12. From the headline, I was expecting this post to address all those portland motorists that are not wearing their motoring helmets! I mean the CDC says 1 in 5 brain injuries are sustained in motor-vehicle crashes, so I thought someone was finally speaking up about it.

  13. You have a greater likelihood of sustaining a head injury in a car than on a bicycle.

    So the real question is, how come you’re not harping on motorists for not wearing helmets?

    Helmets aren’t mandatory so stop harassing cyclists about it.

  14. Why do people seem to get far angrier about adult cyclists who choose not to wear a helmet than about drivers who choose to speed? Guess which one is not only illegal but infinitely more of a threat to literally everyone else on the road?

  15. @Wm. Steven Humphrey has stumbled into the bicycle version of the global warming “debate.”

    @randyzpdx appears to be proposing that we should all avoid any innovations in health care or injury prevention devices that have not personally kept him alive. Okay, sir. My notepad’s at the ready. You have 50 years of devices to describe that you haven’t personally used.

  16. Nobody wearing a bicycle helmet has ever died. This isn’t a fact, but it’s something Mr Humphrey and all the other bloat-faced drivers seem to believe in regardless.

  17. Never been in a car accident but I have been in a freak accident involving broken front spokes and me being hurled onto the pavement. Landing on my head/face, I lost a front tooth, chipped a few others and got a nasty pavement burn on my jaw. Guess what didn’t happen? A broken skull, thanks to the cheapest of dome insurance: the helmet.

    I’m a few days shy of 26 and pretty fucking proud to have the common sense to know that I’m not invincible/weird shit can happen anytime you operate anything with wheels.

    Preach on, brother Humphrey!

    PS Nothing is more sexy than Helmet hair!

  18. I used to wear a helmet every time I rode, and would berate friends of mine who did not. This was mainly because I had a friend who died after a collision in Boston who most likely would have lived had she worn a helmet. However, now I rarely wear one. I just didn’t do it one day, and really liked it. It’s just more comfortable and fun to ride without one and it’s one less thing to have to carry around. I know it isn’t the smartest thing to do, but you’re not going to be able to prevent all types of injury happening from you, so you pick and choose what measures you want to take.

  19. Wearing a helmet on a bike is akin to wearing a seat belt in a car. It should/will be a law someday when common sense enters the conversation.

  20. I always wear a helmet, but one time I absentmindedly left the house without it to run a quick errand. As I was tooling through the placid Irvington neighborhood the driver of a car yelled “Get a helmet!” at me so loudly and vehemently that I nearly lost control of my bike. Something tells me Ms. Smug Driver Lady might have liked that. It’s one thing to be chided by another cyclist for riding without a helmet, but being yelled at by someone in a moving car is inexcusable and presumptuous. If I ever see that woman again I’m throwing my helmet in her face.

  21. When I visited Havana in 2001, I knew there would be some bike-riding involved, so I took along a helmet that fit atop my rather large skull.

    I may well be the only person who has ever worn a bike helmet in Cuba.

  22. I declare Melogna the winner of this thread. The only reason to not wear a helmet is because it is way more comfortable.

    Every other factor cuts in favor of wearing one, especially if you have any familiarity with how common, devastating, and easily-acquired brain injuries are.

    Finally, I still have no idea where these “by your logic, peds and drivers should wear helmets!” people are coming from. This “debate” is about common-sense personal safety for cyclists – who gives a fuck what the peds/drivers are wearing?

  23. Do not wear helmets! I am holding out hope that most of you will not reproduce, as this town is bad enough already. Anything that increases the odds of this is A ok in my book

  24. I’ve been struck by a car on Interstate Ave. turning right while I was in the bike lane adjacent, the driver didn’t check his mirrors, look over his shoulder, signal, anything. I don’t wear a helmet as I’m not flying down singletrack at 50 plus, I do however have a functional inner ear that limited my injuries to a skinned knee and elbow. As an aside to my experience with getting hit, the people showing so much concern by breaking traffic laws and stopping their cars in the middle of traffic to see if I was alright even though I immediately removed myself and my bike to the sidewalk was quite disturbing and entertaining at the same time

  25. I agree that full face helmets, and skater helmets save lives, but you would have to be a complete idiot to wear a cyclist helmet:

    1. they look ridiculous.
    2. they do not cover the sides and the back of the head.
    3. they slip off easily since they only have a small area of contact with the head.
    4. in a crash the aerodynamic “grooves” will often “interlock” with protrusions on the road (e.g. metal grates, rough bitumen) – leading to neck injury.
    5. they are uncomfortable/distract you- the strap must be adjusted tightly, to reduce the chance of it slipping off.

    About a month ago I saw a rider fall, wearing a cyclist helmet – the helmet simply slipped off. He had a nasty gash on the side of his head but apart from that he was OK.

    Another thing which should be taken into consideration is risk – The only time I wear a helmet is through traffic, or when I’m riding down a mountain. I wear a skater helmet since they are vastly superior to the cyclist helmets, their only drawback is that they overheat in the summer. Maybe more effort should be invested in the design of helmets instead of promoting these fascist helmet laws.

    Another point I’m trying to make is; people should be allowed to take a ride through a quiet suburban street without these asshole motorists yelling “WHERE IS YOUR HELMET?”, or even worse; trying to run you off the road.

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