- Steve Dipaola/Portland Timbers
- Bow to your overlord, d-bags! BOW!
Some might say this happened a long time ago … buuuuuuut the outer posts of Timbers Army were allegedly ambushed by a group of douchebags Vancouver fans bachelor partiers “dude-bros” outsiders on Saturday night, prompting a not-exactly-tongue-in-cheek post by TA’s blogger Andrew Brawley.
The former bouncer and current OLCC permit-holder gives his play-by-play of the action off the pitch, wherein 20 likeminded, similarly dressed gentlemen gathered at the edges of 208 and quickly fell out of formation:
When all 20-ish of them insist on wearing matching bright yellow or bright orange trucker hats, they identify themselves as a group aching to be noticed. When they aren’t participating in pre-match Timbers chants, they demand my attention. When they subtly-but-noticeably boo our Timbers as they enter the field for pre-match practice, my gut tells me something is up.
However, there was nothing visible at this point that ultimately said “these people are Galaxy fans, get them out of here before something bad goes down.”
That is until one of them removes their shirt to reveal a Sharpie-drawn LA Galaxy logo on his chest, and a mock jersey-style “Beckham” and “23” on his back. NOW WE’RE IN BUSINESS!
Brawley, who notified stadium/TA security and a 107ist board member, is unapologetic about helping 86 the d-bags, making a larger point about scalpers.
I understand the need to resell tickets to a match that you can’t attend. You want to get your money back. Nobody will sweat you for that.
However, when you blindly post your tickets for sale on Craig’s List, StubHub, or any number of reseller sites, or sell your tickets to those dirty, filthy scalpers lurking in front on JWF on match days, you are essentially handing over the keys to the Timbers Army’s vehicle, and allowing anyone to jump in for a ride, regardless of their condition and/or intent.
The Timbers themselves ceded a bit of ground, too, on Saturday night, when a horrifically captivating four-goal, nine-minute stretch doomed Portland to a 5-3 loss to the Los Angeles Galaxy. World-class players did their thing, as David Beckham scored twice in spectacularly bendy fashion, while Portland’s Kris Boyd and Robby Keane each added a pair of goals in a madcap nationally-televised match.
Timbers interim coach Gavin Wilkinson—at Portland’s helm for the team’s first match since coach John Spencer was fired—shouldered the blame for the loss, noting “there’s been lot happening this week.” Timbers Cap’n and right back Jack Jewsbury, whose defense flat-out lost its concentration during the nightmarish four-goal stretch, said any hangover from Spencer’s sacking didn’t affect the team on the field.
“Not at all,” Jewsbury said. “The reality is, the majority of the guys in the locker room have been through changes like this before.
“It’s not on one person, one individual. We’re a group and everything we do relies on everyone as a group coming together and fighting for one another.”
Buoyed somewhat by an improved offensive effort, Portland heads to SoCal for an oddly scheduled 1 p.m. match on Wednesday against Chivas USA. When asked whether the Timbers could still salvage the season, Wilkinson answered like I suspect Spencer would have.
“Definitely,” Wilkinson said. “I’m a bit shocked by the question, to be honest.”
TA purity tests. Exclusion of “wrong thinkers.” Now I understand how Bosnia happened. When one can justifiy that sort of behaviour at a soccer match then it’s an easy step to “ethnic cleansing.” Those TA people are scary.
That guy sounds like a major fucking douchebag himself.
The most douchey of all Portlanders is the LA transplant who continues to cheer for LA sports teams. Please move back.
DOUCHEBAG FIGHTING DOUCHEBAG. WHAT HAS THIS CITY COME TO?
SERIOUSLY, ALL THESE ORGANIZED SCENESTERS IN PORTLAND ARE MAKING THIS PLACE THE PITS. I’LL TAKE LA DOUCHE OVER TA ELITIST FUCKS ANYDAY. THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS LIVED HERE ALL HIS LIFE. SHOVE A LOG IN IT!
Andrew Brawley seems to be the vaginal shower in this scenario. All the people who claim to have spoken with supposed DBs say they were very friendly, not booing, and generally respectful.
Maybe Andrew should calm the fuck down and stop playing rent-a-cop.
I have been a Timbers fan for well over a decade. Some friends and I have gone to many matches in that time. I am part of TA, and I believe it has come to represent something else. As a friends pointed out (we are both EPL fans, Arsenal in my case), “1/3 of these fuckers aren’t watching the fucking match”. He does have a point…I think support for the Timbers is a great thing but you are not in fucking central London. Chill the hell out. That said a lot of the Seattle and Vancouver fans I’ve met are douchebags, but sadly so are some fans here
The Timbers front office doesn’t even like the Army. They take themselves way too seriously, and this guy in the article is the perfect example.
“When they aren’t participating in pre-match Timbers chants, they demand my attention.”
Could you sound like a bigger douche bag?!
If the TA is trying to bring themselves down to the level of the play on the field, mission accomplished.
I’m reading this story and am struggling with what the hell it means.
The Timbers Army are upset that “douchebags” are sitting in their section? Did I get that right?
And the Timbers Army weren’t quite sure if these people really were douchebags until they unveiled the LA Galaxy logos sharpied onto their chests? Because until the logos came out, these douchebags were indistinguishable from everybody else in the section?
Is that about right?
These bros infiltrated my bar on Friday night. They were a bachelor party from Vancouver BC and were the WORST customers I’ve encountered since we’ve been open. No exaggeration. Fuck their hats.