HEY KIDS! Here’s the newest G.I. Joe action figure for your collection: G.I. Joe—Drone Operator! He bombs the enemy from the safety of a military base! He drinks coffee! He’s… he’s… okay, he’s a little overweight. STILL! G.I. Jooooooooooooooooe!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)