Step One:
Rake in $2.8 billion in four months.

Step Two:
Refuse to pay your employees for time they took off when their store was closed because someone opened fire in the mall.

Step Three:
Also dock their performance-based pay because they weren’t able to make any sales while the mall was on lockdown.

Step Four:
Change course, deciding to fully pay the employees forced temporarily out of work after the tragedy, after people complain about you on Facebook.

Good work, Nordstroms!

Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books.

11 replies on “How to be an Asshole.”

  1. Wait, why no clamoring for ALL THE OTHER shops in the mall that probably didn’t pay anyone for the closed hours + days? Just because Nordstrom made billions thanks to enough people liking their take-back-anything policy?

    Know what can actually do good for people stuck working retail and food-service jobs? Don’t shop at the fucking mall. Instead, go to the local shop and support your local community. If the mall went out of business due to an explosion of local-centric commerce, all those people would have jobs, probably making more, and probably with better benefits.

  2. How to make up news (not aimed at you Smirk, as the story was previously published):

    Whine on social media

    Let it snowball into a slew of misunderstandings amid an already confusing and stressful situation

    Get clarification the initial whining was misplaced/or untrue

    Act righteous

  3. Hey D, what “whining” and misunderstandings or untrue statements are you referring to? Back up your accusations with something. Where’s the evidence that this isn’t a successful result of public pressure? Nordstrom themselves say it was due to listening to such feedback.

  4. Should we boycott Nordstrom’s now? I can’t figure it out.

    Kind of shitty that the only avenue to fix stuff like this is to raise a stink about it in a culture where raising a stink is basically just whining, oh and you’re a loser, go fuck off and die.

  5. Its amazing that these corporate assholes can’t even show compassion until they realized word was getting out on social media about their unethical behavior.
    This just re-emphasizes the disconnection between the higher-ups in these organizations with the public and most importantly their employees.
    I’m not a fan of shopping at department stores. Especially Nordstroms where you could buy their items at any store across the country.
    Portland has so many local shops that we could be shopping at instead. I’m not saying all are ethical (most I have encountered are) however holding them accountable for their actions in our community is more of an option.

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