By the way, Blogtown, I’m Dirk VanderHart, the Mercury’s latest news reporter. It’s exciting!
- Andreas Gibson
- Tropical, the island breeze.
Listen, I know people liked Sarah Mirk around here and you’re all probably remembering the good old days and change is rough. But think of me like the stepfather who’s moving in way too soon after the divorce: No one’s trying to replace whatever it is you all had. I just want to report some stories.
A quick history: I’ve been a journalist for most of the last decade, making stops in Ohio, D.C., and Missouri before washing up in Portland a little more than three years ago. I’ve written about animals and bikes and garbage here, most often for the Oregonian, so I feel pretty well up to speed.
Also: Karaoke! I’ve been a KJ (karaoke jockey) for almost as long as I’ve lived in Portland, though I’ve largely given it up in order to be here, with you.
Say hello, if you feel like it.
WELCOME TO THE MERCURY…
I GUESS YOU CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN MATT DAVIS (BUT FEEL FREE TO PROVE ME WRONG).
NOW, STFU AND GBTW
Yay! Another bearded hipster with 1950’s eyeglasses has moved here. Bikes! Mcbarf
Can I call you Sarah Dirk? I don’t like change.
Bikes!
You’ll fit right in.
@Joneser: Sure. I’d like that.
Welcome aboard, Dirk VanderHart!
You have no idea how many times I e-mailed Steve to say, “FIRE SARAH MIRK AND HIRE SOMEONE NAMED LIKE A DUTCH CARE BEAR.”
WHO’S SARAH MIRK? THE LAST MERC STAFFER WHOSE NAME I CAN REMEMBER WAS PHIL BUSSE.
DUTCH CARE BEARS!
Willem van Carealoo
Klaas de Grootluck
Hieronymus Funshine
JENS FUNDERDOOK
DIEDERICK VANDERHUGS
JOOP STARGROOS
Yer not my real dad!
(runs out of room)
On some level, I think we all knew this thread would end up with naming foreign care bears.
Who did you write for in DC? I still miss the CityPaper…
SO HOW TALL IS DUTCH DICK PANEERPANTS? IS HE MARRIED? SINGLE? GAY? TOP? BOTTOM?!? WHAT’S YOUR OkC PROFILE NAME? GRINDR? CUT OR UNCUT? THIS PRIMER WAS BULLSHIT AND UNFULFILLING.
I demand more Dutch Carebears. That’s what I came here to see, and God be damned if I’m not going to get my fill.
So you’ve written a little for The Oregonian and have wrangled hundreds of wannabe pop stars. That’s all fine and good, but how are you at making poo-poo and pee-pee jokes?
You need to know some good poo-poo and pee-pee jokes to sail around here, Dirk. Now d-up and lower your brow.
Just what the Mercury needs — a quality Oregonian reporter. Oh wait, they don’t have any anymore. In that case — welcome!
BOLT VANDERHUGE
PUNCH ROCKGROIN
GRISTLE MCTHORNBODY
SLAB SQUATTHRUST
BLAST HARDCHEESE
Need someone to animate this because I’m lazy and/or stupid:
http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/3/35891…
@FRUIT CUP: HOW’S THIS TREAT YA? http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/dirk%20the%20…
Smirk was a KJ? I…someone get me up to speed.
Graham, you wonderful and awesome man (that also has Google and knows how to use the Tumblr maybe). Thanks!
Also: Suck it Dirk! This is how I think of you! Enjoy your hazing process! I like your glasses!
“Listen, I know people liked Sarah Mirk around here…”
Wha?? Who? She was better than Davis, sure, but that’s like saying a double amputation is better than cancer.
I kid. Mostly. Kidding aside: welcome and good luck.
Dirk! You said the magic word. Where did/do you KJ?
Where did you work in DC??
For the record, I’m entirely comfortable with the tenor of this conversation.
@Zibby: I wrote for the Houston Chronicle bureau there. About Texas things.
@Ginny: Good places! But it feels too much like shilling shouting them out on here.
DO YOU KNOW MY BOY JASON IN DC?
@Fruit Cup @Graham @all: Speaking of Dragon’s Lair, the first “Tropes vs Women: Video Games” has been posted, and the topic is the “damsel in distress.” It’s an awesome series and everyone should watch it:
http://www.feministfrequency.com/2013/03/d…
Oh and hi Dirk!!
first off: fuck you.
Dirk. Secrets don’t make friends. Spill it. You don’t have to shill it.
This is honestly the only thing in your so-called “primer” that I care about. I am so curious that I am going to go ahead and make a silly threat: if you DON’T tell us, and I find you KJing somewhere, I swear to god I will sing Don’t Stop Believing. (And I will try not to do an awesome job).