OPENING
THE ADVENTURES OF ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE
BLOOD SIMPLE
BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER
FILMS ON THE LAWN
FORBIDDEN PLANET
THE IN CROWD
JUAN, I FORGOT, I DON’T REMEMBER
LOSER
OSAKA ELEGY
POKEMON 2000
TRIXIE
WARGAMES
WHAT LIES BENEATH
MOVIES & EVENTS
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
Once upon a time, a badly-drawn cartoon dependent upon pained sarcasm was shown on national television. This was clearly a horrible idea, appealing only to the least ambitious adults and most awkward children, and it was quickly pulled. 30-some years later, Robert De Niro thought differently. He wanted to make a movie. Somewhere along the line, he apparently wanted to make a successful movie, implanting a desperately cute gal whose inner child (literally) cries out for indulgence. In the process, mangling together a bitterly knowing narration with third generation Disney schmaltz they managed to make a film for nobody-confusing the tots and irritating the cultish faithful. Moose and squirrel wander through, company men, never once questioning the pace. (Jay Horton) Washington Square Center
THE BIG BLUE
Man battles his competitive nature in a deep-sea game of chicken. Fundamental questions: Who can dive deepest without dying? Who is the most fucked in the head? Hot guys, nice scenery, Days of Thunder tension, but deficient in compelling character interaction (except between the dolphins–four star performances by them). I recommend you rent the original on video (it’s much shorter), and don’t expect any big epiphanies. (Katie Shimer) Koin Center
Big Momma’s House
Martin Lawrence is back, and he’s got a big old prosthetic ass. Where do I sign? 82nd Avenue
* Blood Simple
The Coen’s best films are all descendants of this moody, geometric, fabulously accomplished first feature. A vulgar tale of small town thieves and liars, Blood Simple is gloriously corrupt, full of iconic small town caricatures including a fantastically baroque M. Emmet Walsh in what is his best screen role to date. The plot twists keep developing, like an infection spreading, to a lurid conclusion. A great first feature, with only a bit of that distracting Coen cleverness that so clutters their later work. See review this issue. Cinema 21
* But I’m a Cheerleader
Director Jamie Babbitt’s feature debut may be a bit forced, but Natasha Lyonne as a cheerleader thought to be lesbian, is both believable and charming. Lyonne is sent to a homosexual rehabilitation camp run by RuPaul and Cathy Moriarty, and learns the valuable lesson that sexual orientation isn’t as cut and dried as one might think. (Wm. Steven Humprey) Hollywood Theatre, Koin Center
* Chicken Run
Chicken Run is about chickens trying to escape. It is very funny and exciting; each chicken has a great sense of humor and is weird. Mel Gibson is the voice of Rocky, and Julia Sawalha (from Absolutely Fabulous) is Ginger. It all starts when Rocky the Chicken comes blasting over the fence and everybody thinks he can fly. The chickens ask him to teach them to fly but they don’t make any progress. Something fishy is going on-Mrs. Tweedy (the farmer’s wife) has a machine that lets the chickens go in and pies come out. They do whatever they can to resist becoming pies. (Sam Lachow & Maggie Brown) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Oak Grove 8 Theater
* Croupier
Mike Hodges’ 1998 masterpiece Croupier makes a convincing case that a sleazy and specialized profession-in this case, the guy who rolls the ball and collects the chips at a roulette table-is a perfect metaphor for existential malaise. Jack (the very beautiful Clive Owen), is a wannabe London novelist with nothing to write, and no money coming in. He reluctantly takes a job as a croupier/dealer at a casino, and almost instantly becomes addicted-not to gambling, but to watching people lose. Like nearly all great films, Croupier is great specifically because of its genre trappings. It’s the inevitability factor that gives the movie the power to be more than it seems. (Sean Nelson) Koin Center
Divine Trash
Is a drag queen munching on a real piece of dog poop as shocking as it used to be? Director Steve Yeager explores this and other tabooisms in Divine Trash; his tribute to the masters of cinematic barrier busting, John Waters and his most famous leading actor, Glenn Milstead, (aka Divine). Yeager treats his subjects with such geeky reverence, overloading the film with so many fawning sycophants, you might mistake it for a documentary about Mother Theresa, rather than a guy who once filmed a drag queen being raped by a lobster. Pointy-headed film nerds aside, the story of Waters and his friends eventually triumphs over the documentarian’s clumsy attempts, leaving you with a joyous appreciation for his art, as well as the necessity of breaking life’s many barriers. (Wm. Steven Humprey) Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium
East is East
This decent little movie is set in the early ’70s, in an English town called Salford. The great Om Puri plays a fanatical father married to a British woman (Linda Basset). They own a small chip shop and a small house, which is packed with seven rebellious kids. With the exception of one boy, all the children are headed one way (toward total assimilation of British culture), and the father toward the other (preservation of Pakistani values); all that’s left is a big showdown in the end. A rather ordinary story, you will agree. But Puri saves the day by doing what he does best: deepening and extending his character’s emotional and psychological range (Charles Mudede) Laurelhurst Theater
Erin Brockovich
Despite being directed by indie superstar Steven Soderbergh, Erin Brockovich is just what it is: another big-budget Hollywood film starring Julia Roberts. In fact, because this is a Hollywood film, we suddenly notice aspects of Soderbergh’s filmmaking that are harder to detect when he has complete control over his material: namely, how brilliant he is working with supporting actors, most notably men. In this case, it’s Aaron Eckhart, and Albert Finney. Without this, all you have left is a stupid plot and the den ti-glorious spectacle that is Julia Roberts. (Charles Mudede) Edgefield Powerstation, Laurelhurst Theater
Films on the Lawn
An outdoor film series (located in the backyard of DaVinci Arts Middle School, NE Couch between 27th and 28th) focusing on raising awareness on diverse social topics. This week features short films about the nomadic tribes of French Morocco, the Ainu Bear Festival in Japan, the black poets of the Harlem Renaissance, and the various festivities which occur during Chinese New Year. DaVinci Middle School Lawn
* Forbidden Planet
A ’50s sci-fi cult classic, Forbidden Planet is the story of astronauts investigating the demise of an Earth colony, and finding a cool as shit robot and Anne Francis prancing around in a miniskirt. Rrrrowwrr, rrrowwrr! Hollywood Theatre
Frequency
A hodgepodge about time-travel, ham-radio enthusiasm, the hazards of firefighting, baseball, mother love, and a father/son tag-team tracking down a nurse-butchering psychopath. This utterly confused film is a perfect example of Hollywood’s shameless tendency to pillage the graveyard for the spare parts of its own schmaltzy genre. The result is a Frankenstein monster that bumbles and stumbles across the thin, emotional terrain of an Americanized (and therefore totally false) idea of nostalgia and redemption. (Rick Levin) Avalon Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater
* Fuck Mickey Mouse
…and all his friends! Fuck Mickey Mouse is a historically imperative compilation of cartoon shorts. The series shows how animators and studios responded to Disney’s initial popularity in the ’30s and ’40s, back when animation was considered a valid adult art form. Films range from blatant, embarrassing imitations to cleverly unflinching parodies. Some studios were incredibly innovative (and sociologically astute, incorporating the time’s largely unsuppressed drug culture). A banned 1943 Disney short, in which Donald Duck dreams he’s a Nazi (complete with swastika wallpaper), is included. Dave Fleischer’s 1932 Snow White (starring saucy coquette Betty Boop) is the best of the clips, with a Cab Calloway-provided soundtrack and animation that’s still fresh (and influencing many of today’s artists, most notably Matt Groening and Jim Woodring). It’ll leave you wondering what the state of animation would be today if that sexist, racist, cod Walt Disney hadn’t spearheaded the loss of respect for the genre. Just remember, folks, he’s cryogenically frozen and could return to this earth at any time…let’s get him. (Julianne Shepherd) Clinton Street Theatre
Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
When he was young, Ghost Dog (Forest Whitaker) was saved from a group of street thugs by Louie (John Tormey), a low-level Mafioso who just happened to be passing by. In thanks, Ghost Dog pledged to serve Louie for the rest of his life, as faithful to him as any ancient samurai was to his master. Director Jim Jarmusch infuses Ghost Dog with the deadpan humor of his earliest films. (Charles Mudede) Bagdad Theater, Laurelhurst Theater
* Gladiator
Director Ridley Scott tramps through the standard gladiator movie plot like a tipsy party host, embracing each and every clichè like a dear old friend. War hero General Maximus (Russell Crowe) is stripped of his position by a scheming, new Caesar (Joaquin Phoenix). Escaping too late to save his family, Maximus falls into the hands of a slaver (the late Oliver Reed), and with the help of a former love and his rough-but-likable gladiator pals, seeks his revenge by finding glory within the Coliseum. Scott then uses all the technical advantages of modern film making to make the details as lavish as possible. (Tom Spurgeon) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater
Gone in 60 Seconds
You’ve seen the trailer, now see the remake of this obscure car thief movie, which has been revamped and given the full Bruckheimer treatment (shame a bunch of good actors with massive paychecks so your crappy film has the patina of class). Big, red, fast, and loud-Kids’ll love it! 82nd Avenue, Evergreen Parkway
* High Fidelity
A romantic comedy for guys: John Cusack plays the cynically introspective Rob Gordon, the owner of a small record store. For various reasons, he has shit luck with women. Basically, he’s a jerk, but he’s not altogether clueless about his jerkiness. He struggles and obsesses and makes lists that he thinks define his life, but he’s no closer to understanding women than he was in the fifth grade-which happens to be when he got dumped for the first time. Based on the popular novel of the same name. (Kathleen Wilson) Koin Center
The In Crowd
A poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks hooks up with a rich girl who shows her the high life, until the poor girl crosses the rich girls, and then the rich girl gets mad and decides to take her revenge on the poor girl who zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Lloyd Mall, Washington Square Center
Jesus’ Son
Sterling adaptation of the 1992 story collection by Denis Johnson. The ’70s drug culture is the setting for Maclean’s second feature (after Crush, with Marcia Gay Harden). Billy Crudup is the tirelessly sweet-hearted and soft-headed “FH” (for Fuckhead), a well-meaning junkie who wide-eye puppy-dogs his way through life and love with a lost soul named Michelle (Samantha Morton), both angel and very mortal woman; and his increasingly bizarre encounters with a menagerie of lost souls, all of whom soon agree he’s earned his nickname. With Denis Leary, Dennis Hopper, and Holly Hunter. (Ray Pride) City Center 12, Koin Center
Juan, I Forgot, I Don’t Remember
Director Juan Carlos Rulfo had a problem shooting a documentary about his father who was a renowned writer and poet–everyone knew his name, but no one could remember him. Though the memories of the participants may be slim, they end up revealing a great deal about themselves and the world they grew up in. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater
The Kid
It’s a good idea to come in about 10 minutes late to this movie. I did, and consequently I held on to a small hope throughout that I missed the beginning part that made sense of Bruce Willis hanging out with a little kid during his power lunches with rock stars in LA. Without this hope, I probably would have left the theater half way through, after the 100th scene of Bruce and the kid bonding over yet another of grandma’s chocolate milkshakes, a dog named Chester, and a shared I’m-so-glad-we’re-both-from-a-dysfunctional-family sentiment. Unfortunately, the only thing that happened by the end was that a 75-year-old Bruce Willis shows up to tell young Bruce and middle–aged Bruce the second not to worry, because he eventually grows up and gets the girl, the plane, and the dog. Too bad he still played a painfully shallow character in a painfully boring movie. Century Eastport 16, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Oak Grove 8 Theater
Loser
Encouraged by last summer’s blockbuster, American Pie director Amy Heckerling returns to high school humor and skin level emotions again, only this time setting the story in a college dorm. Nearly two decades after her sharply funny Fast Times at Ridgemont High and five years after the surprisingly sophisticated Clueless Heckerling continues to devolve towards a lower sense of entertainment. Funny, yes. Complicated, not really. Loser tracks an offbeat college student through various costume makeovers and his desires for true love. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater
Me, Myself and Irene
When is Jim Carrey going to grow up and be a man? One of the best movie comedians when he’s in the right project, Carrey is in danger of succumbing to Robin Williams Syndrome. For those without a Merck Manual nearby, that’s a severe case of reality dissociation. This sickness describes a comic unable or unwilling to appear real. Constantly shielded by the gauzy mask of “goofiness,” said comedian is trapped in a realm of total artificiality, in which he can’t even say hello without a blend of caustic irony and grim mugging. This dire state of his health is relevant to Me, Myself & Irene. It’s Fight Club lite, with all the dangerous ideas reduced to revenge comedy, and its radical rage homogenized. Carrey, who is a great physical actor and occasionally very funny in this movie, succumbs to the temptation to rely on the ghastliness of his face rather than the sincerity of his feelings. If he continues to insist on appearing in such roles without bothering to learn how to act them, between him and me, it’s splitsville. (D.K.. Holm) Century Eastport 16, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater
* Mission: Impossible 2
I loved this movie. I loved the vertiginous helicopter swoops as Tom Cruise scales an impossibly sheer cliff to receive his impossible mission. I loved the profligate back flips in the fight choreography as he takes out villain after glass-jawed villain. I loved the preposterous motorcycle chase/joust. I loved the human touches, too: the love triangle set against the backdrop of global intrigue; the lascivious slo-mo close-ups of Thandie Newton; the villain’s Scots accent. But most of all, I loved the giddy sense of hyperbole and spectacle that coursed through the whole enterprise. It may not last too long after the credits roll, but pleasures like this aren’t meant to. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need to make part three. (Sean Nelson) Century Eastport 16, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Washington Square Center
Osaka Elegy
Part of PSU’s PIPfest, Osaka Elegy explores the destructive side of commercialism. Fifth Avenue Cinema
The Patriot
Okay, remember that episode of The Simpsons where Mel Gibson remade Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and ended up impaling the President on a flagpole or some such silliness? Well, now he’s gone and made a three-hour movie that’s just like that, but without the irony or humor. It’s set in a colonial America where slaves and owners get along pretty darn well, the British are a bunch of baby-killing, dog-kicking hooligans, and the one French guy around makes Gerard Depardieu sound like Peter Jennings (don’t worry, there’s no sign of the Native Americans in this heartwarming saga). Did I mention that the movie justifies killing wounded soldiers and teaching your kids to fight in war, as long as it’s for something you really believe in? And have I gotten around the sheer pomposity and lack of anything resembling subtlety in the film? And another thing-hey, leggo, I’m not done yet! There’s this part where Mel- (Marc Mohan) City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Koin Center, Lloyd Cinemas, Oak Grove 8 Theater
A Perfect Storm
Plot: Fishermen fight storm in hopes of getting home to some pussy. Protagonists: Marky Mark, Dr. Ross, Happy’s competitor in Happy Gilmore, a few guys who are in every other movie, some no-names. Villains: Hurricane Grace, backed by two other vengeful storms. The money-grubbing boat owner. Perks: Awesome special effects: 50-foot sea swells, water rescues, hurricane clouds etc. Downers: Canned dialogue, excessive machismo, totally stupid ending. Recommendation: If you’re looking for a marijuana freak-out, smoke some and head to this flick. If you’re looking for an Academy Award Nominee, forget it. (Katie Shimer) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Moreland Theater, Oak Grove 8 Theater
Pokemon 2000
An evil (genius?) villain captures three sacred Pokemon beasts that represent the primary forces in nature: Fire, Ice, and Lighting. When the three elements are brought together, they call forth an even more mythical beast known as the Guardian (picture a hairless deer with wings and fins that can fly and talk telepathically). This movie is nuts. It’s full of half-rate anime and limp “be your own hero” slogans, not to mention the insufferable mascot Pikachu, whose only mode of speech is its own name spoken incessantly, like the Snuggle bear with brain damage. In short, Chicken Run is the same price. (Russell Meyer) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John’s Theater, Washington Square Center
Road Trip
Road Trip takes the 15-minute road-trip sequence from Animal House and expands it to feature length. In this case, “University of Ithaca” college student Josh (Breckin Meyer) accidentally mails his long-distance girlfriend Tiffany a videotape of him having sex with another woman, forcing him and a trio of college buddies to drive 1,800 miles to recover the tape and save his relationship. Relating the tale of this Odyssean quartet is Benny (Tom Green), the first unreliable narrator figure in what must be the first humanist teen sex comedy. Why “humanist?” This genre of comedy is generally predicated on fear and repulsion toward “the other.” This movie parades a sea of creepy or scary archetypes past its travelers (the only one missing is a predatory homosexual)-and then allows them nuanced responses. The foot-fetishist and food molester are just creepy, but the large, horny black woman is allowed a dose of humanity, as is the likable, boner-bearing Grandpa. Josh’s sidekick E. L. (Seann William Scott) discovers the joys of prostate stimulation, while dorky Kyle (DJ Qualls) wins over an all-black frat house with his dancing before bedding the aforementioned BBW. Repulsion executes a complicated dance with attraction, and we (and by we, I mean over sexed, underaged boys) emerge from the movie theater better people for it. (Eric Fredericksen) Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater, Mt. Hood Theater
* Scary Movie
Though I can’t say Scary Movie was particularly witty, or even clever, the cast performs their over-the-top slapstick with such good-natured intentions, it’s hard not to be swept up in the fun. Sure, there are the requisite off-color jokes directed at gays, potheads, teen sex, and the mentally challenged, but unlike the Farrelly brothers (Something About Mary, Kingpin), Wayans delivers punchlines as a nudge in the ribs rather than a slap across the face. (Wm. Steven Humprey) 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John’s Theater
* Shaft
Who’s the black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks? SHAFT! You damn right. Who is the man who would risk his neck for a brother-man? SHAFT! Right on. He’s a complicated man, but no one understands him like his wooooo-man. JOHN SHAFT! Can you dig it? 82nd Avenue, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Washington Square Center
Shanghai Noon
Even the presence of Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson can’t save this revisionist Western action comedy from the musty odor of the second-rate. Its plot unfolds like a fifth-generation Xerox. Some princess has to be saved from some clumpy, labor-driven railroad/mining concern, and the male leads must shed their current roles and embrace new, dimly-conceived identities. Wilson and his co-star are to be credited for occasionally rising above the material, but there are much better ways to spend a summer afternoon. (Tom Spurgeon) Hollywood Theatre, Kennedy School Theatre, Vancouver Plaza
Small Time Crooks
Woody Allen’s 2000 entry is one of his unambitious, hoping-only-to-amuse movies. Allen casts himself against type as Ray, a poor dopey szchlub married to an equally dim former exotic dancer, Frenchie (Ullman). He plans an ambitious bank heist-he and some buddies will buy a storefront two doors down from a bank and run a cookie shop as a front while tunneling underground to reach the bank vault. At this point, a series of tired themes (money can’t buy happiness or sophistication or taste, you know) clamp down on the movie, the plot conveys some typical twists, and the movie ends. (Eric Fredericksen) Cinemagic
Star Trek: The Motion picture
If you missed San Diego Comics Con ’00 this week, you can just pretend you’re there with the original Star Trek flick. Not as good as Wrath of Khan, but better than The Voyage Home or Insurrection. Still unavailable on DVD! Hollywood Theater
Sunshine
What says “sunshine” more perfectly than the history of Hungarian Jews in the 20th century? And who says “sunshine” more beautifully than Ralph Fiennes? The irrepressible Fiennes vieux takes on three sequential roles in this epic (that’s one hour per role) account of one poor family’s travails through three generations of Europe’s now famous anti-Semitic hi-jinx. A total downer. Koin Center
Titan A.E.
A new animated feature from the Bluth studios. The Earth has been blown to shit, and it’s up to a cocky, smart-mouthed teenager to find a spaceship filled with survivors and lead them to a new Earth (presumably one that doesn’t have fuck-wit cartoons like this one). Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater
Titus
Movie based on the early, violent play by William Shakespeare, with plenty of scenery chewed by Anthony Hopkins and Jessica Lange. Laurelhurst Theater
Trixie
Director Alan Rudolph’s latest train wreck, this time featuring Emily Watson as his latest fatality. See review this issue. City Center 12, Movie House
U-571
One of the most important turning points in World War II was the Allied capture of the German code machine Enigma. U-571 is an attempt to show us modern folks what this dramatic event must have been like. The only thing not historically accurate is the damn story. A British destroyer was responsible for capturing the machine, not Matthew McConaughey! Better you should watch Das Boot. (Juan-Carlos Rodriguez) Avalon Theatre
The Virgin Suicides
The most consistent element of The Virgin Suicides is a steady stream of images that echo the feminine-hygiene commercials of the 1970s. Considering the material-five teenage sisters growing up in a repressive home and headed for funerals rather than graduations-the lightness of touch is surprising. But to juxtapose suicide with buoyant innocence might be uniquely appropriate; if the film has a message, it seems to be that a mythologized purity of youth can’t survive into adulthood. (Monica Drake) Cinemagic
What Lies Beneath
Harrison Ford is in the soup, BUT GOOD, when he discovers an old dead lover has taken up residence in his wife’s (Michelle Pfeiffer) body. Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Oak Grove 8 Theater
X-Men
This movie is all fine and dandy, but there’s one area where I got beef: Where the Hell is Psylocke? You know, Betsy Braddock, super-tuff ninja lady, psychic knife. What, were her extrasensory powers too ambiguous for the special F/X dudes to translate to the big screen? Yeah? Well, I got one thing to say: SYNERGY! If fucking Hasbro could animate the life of Jem (complete with holograms and flashing earrings) back in the ’80s, surely the creators of X-Men could’ve put a piddly ole psychic knife in a computer and churned out something cool. I’ll stick to the video game, thanks. Broadway Metroplex, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Oak Grove 8 Theater