So Jake Gyllenhaal goes on Ellen to plug his new Nightcrawler movie (read the Mercury review here!), and for his trouble gets the shit scared out of his butthole. (In his defense, that stagehand dressed up as Annabelle will be visiting my nightmares for the next three weeks.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=//www.youtube.com/embed/Av6EHkzzgXE

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)