FIFTY SHADES OF GREY "My desires are... unconventional. Now let me go get my velociraptor costume."
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY My desires are... unconventional. Now let me go get my Groot costume.
  • FIFTY SHADES OF GREY “My desires are… unconventional. Now let me go get my Groot costume.”

When it came to reviewing Fifty Shades of Grey, there was only one Mercury writer we could send, and only partly because everyone else would have said no: Elinor Jones. She went to the film last night, and the screening, which also featured a screaming baby, sounds like an almost unbearably erotic experience:

I saw this film in a packed theater and thought about bringing a tarp, Gallagher-style, for how wet it was about to get, but no: You can’t watch Johnson bite her lip and arch her back while stern-faced Dornan drags a peacock feather over her thighs in a dark room filled with strangers and feel turned on. If you have to reposition your pants during the film, you’re weird.

Elinor’s review is here. A trailer that I am going to pretend is the real trailer for the film is below.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.