Why, But WHY, is EL James Writing Another Book?

• Vintage Anchor
• WHY IS THIS A THING? Seriously WHY.

When you’re an arts editor, you get press releases sent to you about new books every damn day. Mostly, I consider this a gift. I love sifting through release emails from big-name publishers and tiny indie presses alike. I look at everything that’s sent to me, and I’m happy to do it. It is literally my job.

But this week, I got a press release for something I would have been absolutely fine just carrying on not knowing about ever. But now I know, and I can’t un-know, and I can’t deal with being the only one who knows, so that means you get to know: EL “Fifty Shades” James has a new book coming out.

AAUUUUUUGHHHHHHWHYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

Let’s get this out of the way: My qualms with this book have nothing to do with judging James’ readers. I will fight to the death for your right to read shitty erotica if that’s your thing. I don’t believe in shitting on people for what they enjoy reading. That type of snobbery is just so Guy in Your MFA—it’s not a good look on anyone, and I don’t have time for it. And maybe most importantly, I think that if you’re going to make fun of something, you should at least try to read it first. This is how I came to read Twilight, and you know what? It didn’t turn me into a personality-less klutz. Nobody revoked my MFA. The only bad thing that happened* was I found some spelling errors that evidently survived the editing process, and while that is something I always find infinitely heartbreaking, that is just my particularly strange cross to bear. I can deal.

AND YET. The premise of EL James’ new book, Grey, is the exact same as that of her other books, but it’s told from the perspective of King of Bad Boundaries Christian Grey. Literally, EL James is just rewriting her first series of books from a different perspective. That is what this book is—no new story, no new information, just trodding and re-trodding the same sodden floodplain where good writing goes to die, sinking ever deeper into a muddy soup of saleable mediocrity.

That concept—just repackaging an existing series, slapping on a new narrator, and calling it good—smacks of a cash-grab. It’s one thing to write bad books—a fine thing, really—but it’s quite another to act like you’re doing anyone a favor by regurgitating your regurgitation of Twilight. From what I’ve read of the Fifty Shades trilogy (see above rule, re: making fun), I can think of several ways James could have built upon or improved her series, if that was indeed her goal here. There’s one particular scene I don’t think anyone would miss, and even extracting the book’s rampant jeezes ‘n’ craps would go a long way. Either of those things would’ve been an improvement. You’ll notice that neither of them are Grey.

*And, okay, it’s pretty fucking sexist. So is Fifty Shades of Grey. But that’s an argument the internet has already done a great job making, and I don’t feel the need to rehash it for you here. I do find Erika Moen’s take on the latter pretty useful, if you’re like, c’mon, I love a good re-hashing, don’t hold back!