Tonight the handsome and capable Portland Trail Blazers play the unappealing and doomed Los Angeles Clippers for game five of a series that no one was ready to believe would last this long. With LA’s Blake Griffin and Chris Paul out, the Blazers could very well set themselves up for a win tonight, and a definitive series win for Friday’s game six once they’re back at their home court. Excitement is palpable (much of the Mercury office is palping as I speak) so I asked of my co-workers the only two relevant questions in the world right now.
1) What will you do if the Blazers WIN tomorrow night?
2) What will you do if they LOSE?
Here are the smartass answers they gave me.
WIN: Drink! 🙂
WIN: Drink. 🙁
—Ned
Trick question. They will win.
—Tonya
WIN: Text Tonya.
LOSE: Text Tonya.
—Anna
WIN: Argue with the refs after every call.
LOSE: Argue with the refs after every call.
Oh wait. I’m not a Clipper. NO GOOD CLIPPERS.
—Joe
WIN: Try to get tickets for game 6, probably I’ll have to perform some dark ritual.
LOSE: Say, “It’s crazy that they let Chris Paul play with a robot hand.”
—Campy
WIN: Murder Campy for his tickets to game 6.
LOSE: Swear off this godforsaken game.
—James
WIN: Walk to Dairy Queen for ice cream.
LOSE: Finish the container of ice cream that’s been sitting in the freezer.
If the Timbers also win, I’ll probably get a Grasshopper Blizzard.
—Chipp
WIN: Seduce Blake Griffin with quad massages so he definitely doesn’t return no matter what.
LOSE: Seduce Blake Griffin with quad massages for fun.
—Bri
WIN: Furiously Google how long players typically miss due to a Grade 1 MCL sprain.
LOSE: Lose? Have you seen Austin Rivers play basketball?
—Rob
WIN: Continue rooting for and believing in the best, classiest team in the NBA.
LOSE: Continue rooting for and believing in the best, classiest team in the NBA.
—Aris
The Blazers play the Clippers tonight in Los Angeles for Game 5 of the series! Watch it on KGW; viewing parties are happening at the Aladdin Theater, the Bagdad Theater’s Backstage Bar, at the Rose Quarter campus, and lots of other bars around town. Check out our Blazers Pages for a great list of other spots!