A.I.
All the performances in A.I. are up to snuff (especially Jude Law as a
cybernetic gigolo who serves as David’s spirit guide of sorts), but Spielberg
outdoes himself by taking us on an exhausting journey of a world that teeters
on the brink of logic, sci-fi, and fairy tale. It’s as if some futuristic scientist
took Spielberg and Kubrick’s brains out of their formaldehyde-drenched jars and
shmooshed them together to create a film that strives to be nihilistic as well
as kinda cute. While long enough to become boring, A.I. can still be chalked
up as a success for Spielberg, who has managed to put aside the cotton candy for
a moment. WSH
Akira
In a world of destruction, a young boy is captured and subjected to military
experiments. He gains psychic powers that he uses against the oppressive forces,
but shit, he’s out of control. Who can save, or rather destroy, Tokyo? You guessed
it, Akira.
America’s Sweethearts
I just have some questions: Isn’t Billy Crystal famous for having a razor-sharp
wit? Why then, does his script for this latest Hollywood schlock-fest resort
to the lowest levels of comedy, including a man getting hit in the head with
a golf ball, and another man getting his balls licked by a doberman? And why
is uber-celebrity, Julia Roberts, cast in the role of the Ugly Duckling? Why
has Catherine Zeta-Jones played a despicable bitch in every movie she’s been
in? Type-cast, perhaps…? Why are bad movies that make fun of movies still
getting made when the genre is as stale as old bread? And why, for God’s sake,
is John Cusak in this bad, bad movie? Why are tender doves aflight invariably
brought back to Earth, burned down by the fires of capitalist whorishness? Why,
why, why? (Justin Sanders)
American Pie 2
The original American Pie was a surprise not because it was good, exactly,
but because it wasn’t as screamingly awful as you assumed it had to be. The
story–knowingly based on the Porky’s school of blatant vulgarity blended
with dewy comings of age (recall the climactic moment, in which the greaser
bully tells his abusive dad, “If being a man means being what you are I’d rather
be queer!” Nice…)–of a bunch of modern teens trying to pop their cherries
before graduating high school, managed to sneak a few poignant observations
about friendship in among the poo jokes, and offered a number of actually funny
lines. This sequel seems destined to try and have it both ways again, milking
the gratuitous nudity for adolescent boners and repeating variations on the
famous jokes of part one, while waxing nostalgic about growing up and so forth.
Brother
This ninth film by Takeshi Kitano–his fourth in the gangster genre–is an awkward
tale of brotherhood, real and/or symbolic. Beat Takeshi must flee Tokyo when
his ruthlessness and impassivity begin to creep out his yakuza clan. He joins
his half-brother in LA and quickly turns little sib’s small-time drug operation
into a pan-gang turf war, forcing the naîfs to bond in the face of all
the trouble that soon rains down on them. Sluggish pacing and an oppressive
piano soundtrack tip the scales toward a rating of dull. (Sarah Sternau)
The Closet
An accountant at a condom factory realizes he’s about to
be fired. Divorced, alienated from his 17-year-old son, he contemplates suicide,
but is instead given some rather odd advice from his neighbor, a retired psychiatrist:
Announce that you are gay at work, and the powers that be will be too frightened
to fire you, lest they get slapped with a nasty lawsuit. The accountant takes
his neighbor’s advice, and, well, hilarity ensues. Or, if not hilarity, at least
a few laughs here and there. Actually, how well you like The Closet may
in fact depend on just how high Three’s Company ranked on your laugh-o-meter.
If the answer is 10, then by all means, rush out and see it. If, on the other
hand, the number is five (or four, or three), you might want to stay home. (Bradley
Steinbacher)
Divided We Fall
A Czech couple harbor a concentration camp escapee from
the Nazis.
Dr. Doolittle 2
The doctor who talks to animals is back, and this time
he is attempting to save a forest from loggers by teaching a bear how to get
laid. This film is just as bad as you would expect the sequel to a bad movie
to be. Although the idea of seeing animals talk may be hard to resist, you are
better off tuning in to Discovery to watch them do what they do best: Eat each
other. Now THAT’S funny. (Russell Cowan)
Final Fantasy
Basically, you should go into Final Fantasy with
the notion that you’re about to be slapped on the forehead with a big slice
of cheese. If you’re already prepared for bad jokes, convoluted plot, yet very
cool special effects, and a fairly standard anime storyline (peaceful Eastern
philosophy vs. destructive Western decadence), Final Fantasy is going
to be a decent way to spend two hours. But if you never actually enjoyed an
episode of Star Trek: Voyager, it’s time to dust off that Godard collection
and forget you ever read any of this. (Julianne Shepherd)
The Girl
The debut film from French director Sande Zeig concerns a woman (called “The
Artist,” played by Agathe de la Boulaye) who becomes obsessed with a sultry
chanteuse (“The Girl,” Claire Heim). It starts out promisingly; the plot is
slow and subtle, and the shots are as languid as the love scenes between the
protagonists. Unfortunately, the mystery at the heart of the film is not intriguing
enough to make it the sophisticated noir it so desperately tries to be. The
film becomes so self-involved by the middle that the characters lose their potency.
If still you care about them by the end of The Girl, you’ve got more
patience than I.
The Golden Bowl
The Golden Bowl is, in part, a drama of manners, and Merchant Ivory’s production moves neatly upon the joints and hinges of a repressed society. But the filmmakers seem to think that a well-appointed costume drama with the weight of Henry James behind it doesn’t need any creative help to succeed, so the neatness is plodding. People enter rooms, whisper to one another, make out passionately behind closed doors while holding lit candles, and glare portentously at photographs–but the movie remains too damp to make a spark.
* Hedwig and the Angry Inch
John Cameron Mitchell wrote, directed, and starred in this Rocky Horror-cum-Velvet
Goldmine-esque opus about a big-haired megalomaniac singing his/her way
across the US. With 40-plus costume changes and songs that you will be singing
for days, this is pure rock-and-roll candy which should be see on a big screen
with big audio. (Michael Svoboda)
Jurassic Park 3
Sam Neill returns as Dr. Alan Grant who, along with a hunky assistant, is tricked into returning to dinosaur island to search for the missing son of William H. Macy and Tea Leoni. A few mercenaries (read: lawyer chum) come along for the ride and are quickly bitten and stomped within the first 20 minutes. That means our heroes have 50 minutes left to run around the island, avoid the bite-bite and the stomp-stomp, and somehow keep our interest with a script that’s thinner than Charleton Heston’s hairpiece. (Wm. Steven Humphrey)
* Legally Blonde
In Legally Blonde, Witherspoon plays a Southern California Barbie doll
named Elle Woods. When her boyfriend dumps her (she’s “not serious enough”),
she decides to win him back by attending Harvard Law School, getting in even
though her brain operates, with the savantish exception of matters of fashion,
at the level of a 10-year-old. Legally Blonde is Witherspoon’s show.
She’s committed and bizarre and fantastic, elevating the film’s mediocrity into
an enjoyably breezy farce without apparent effort. Her performance is a taunt
to her contemporaries. And justifiably: No other actress of her generation could
make Elle seem genuine, and none of them could take so much cinematic dross
and spin it into silk. The fire of Witherspoon’s talents should make them cower
in fear.
Lost and Delirious
Features three lovely, lonely, and confused prep-school
girls played by actresses who each captivate at moments, with Piper Perabo improving
immeasurably on her horrendous Coyote Ugly performance. The characters
are kissing, laughing, and smoking rebelliously, and this film is promising
in its sympathetic and non-patronizing treatment of same-sex love. Unfortunately,
the film’s unrelenting attempts at poignancy do their best to reduce a reasonable
script and good acting, to melodrama. Multiple themes and motifs are offered,
then disappointingly never mentioned again. This film can’t decide which character
to focus on or which audience to cater to–nude lady love scenes clash with
heavy-handed juvenile trauma. This movie is one of the “new generation of teen
movies” (i.e. crazy/beautiful) that features less fluff, more intensity,
and more sex. However, despite sweet ‘n hot moments provided by the two winsome
lovers, the high-voltage studio sheen and calculated pulling of heart strings
douse any real empathy with the characters. (Tamara Larson)
Made
Walking out of Made, I tried to conjure the perfect phonetic
sound to properly describe it. The winner: “nyeh,” as in “whatever.” Here is
a film that exists for no other reason than to revisit the “magic” between Vince
Vaughn and Jon Favreau, and your admiration for Made may depend on just
how brilliant you found Swingers, their first project. If you thought
it was great, then by all means, go. But, if like me, you found it vastly overrated,
only marginally entertaining, and more than occasionally annoying (especially
that Vaughn fucker), you’d be better served elsewhere. That said, it’s a comedy
about the mob, and there are some good moments. (Brad Steinbacher)
* Memento
Memento has a lot of starch in it; the film sticks with you for
days as you rehearse it over and over in your mind. It’s also a movie so good,
you fear a critical backlash against it. You come out of it feeling almost resentful
at how good it is, and given that almost everyone is an aspiring filmmaker these
days, this resentment is unvarnished jealousy. But this reviewer is pure of
spirit, or at least spite: I may have seen a better film so far this year than
Memento, but if I have, I’ve forgotten it. (D.K. Holm)
* Once Upon a Time in China
Jet Li plays Chinese martial-arts hero Wong Fei-Hung who defends China against
invaders. Plenty of ass gets kicked in this newly cut and freshly subtitled
version of the film–and master Li still looks hot.
Original Sin
Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie act in this soft porn,
I mean… thrilling drama, about what happens when Antonio and Angelina betray
their countries by having really graphic sex in front of the camera, I mean…
forsaking their countries by having an affair.
Osmosis Jones
The Farrelly Brothers, avatars of le cinema d’ordure,
return with this half-animated tale of the biological denizens that dwell inside
the comedically abused corpus of one Bill Murray. Chris Rock provides the voice
of the cartoon hero, whose job it is to fight disease and, one assumes, navigate
the onslaught of fart jokes the script hurls his way. The picture looks to land
somewhere between Innerspace and The Incredible Mr. Limpet.
The Others
A well-executed gothic horror film in a Jamesian vein, starring Nicole Kidman
as a post-war mom on a tiny British isle desperate not to let the new servants
(including the great Fionnula Flanagan) expose her “photosensitive” children
to daylight. The claustrophobic tension of the incredible house (the film’s
only set, and its true star) mounts through the eerie film as the truth, like
the characters’ lives, unfurls methodically in this truly frightening endeavor
from Spanish director Alejandro Amenabar. As an added bonus, the always-gripping
Christopher Eccleston (Jude, Elizabeth) has a supporting role.
(Sean Nelson)
Planet of the Apes
As promised, Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes is upon us and it stinks like feet. If you like spaceships (first 10 minutes)
and screeching apes, this film has ’em, but that’s about it. Throw in a bland
and predictable ending, and you have the most anticipated letdown of the summer.
Sounds like a three-pronged blockbuster to me.
* The Princess and the Warrior
The
second collaboration between director Tom Twyker and the stunning beautiful
German actress Franka Potente. This time around, though, the pair has replaced
the frenetic Nintendo plot of Run Lola Run with a carefully paced romance.
No, we’re not talking about a fawning Julia Roberts running around with her
estrogen hanging out, but an eerie and tragic fairytale where castles are replaced
by an insane asylum, and Prince Charming by a stoic street punk.
Princess Diaries
An almost-crazy 16-year-old discovers that she’s actually
a princess in a small European country. ohmigod?! WHAT SHOULD SHE DO? Stay in
San Francisco or move to Europe?!
Rat Race
A Vegas hotshot starts a race for money, so he can make some
his damn self.
* The Road Home
Yusheng’s mother
Di has called him home with an ancient request: He must gather a party of villagers
to walk the body of his dead father home. Over the snowy mountains and all the
way to their remote village, the bearers must tell the dead Mr. Luo, “This is
the road home,” so that he will always know. Some love stories could have happened
anywhere. Others, like The Road Home, belong to their settings like the
view from a particular hillside. The story of Di and Luo is communal territory,
like the schoolhouse, and as necessary to the life of the village. Where director
Zhang Yimou’s Raise the Red Lantern was sweeping, The Road Home is tiny–and it’s still completely overwhelming, especially when staring into
Zhang Ziyi’s doe eyes. (Evan Sult)
Rush Hour 2
Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan reteam as a black cop and a Chinese cop, their
racially charged antics infuriate multiculturalists on two continents. This
sequel to the occasionally funny original (beware: the trailer offers exactly
zero laughs) features the very attractive Zhang Ziyi, from Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon.
* The Score
This is a fully functional, if-perfunctory heist film that benefits greatly
from its attention to the procedure of safecracking and breaking and entering,
to say nothing of the utterly relaxed brilliance of its three lead actors, Robert
DeNiro, Edward Norton, and best of all, Marlon Brando. It feels like these three
pros took one look at the script and threw it away, realizing it was derivative
trash (DeNiro plays a master thief who agrees to “one last job”–it’s kind of
like Ronin lite–in cahoots with fence Brando, and young buck Norton),
but then realizing they could pull it off with the improvisational ease of a
master acting class exercise. Though it’s legitimately sad to see Brando (who
now makes Sydney Greenstreet look like Kate Moss) as enormous as he is, the
comic grace with which he glides through this otherwise inferior work–and again,
it’s totally watchable and entertaining–makes you remember that he really is
the best of all time.
* Sexy Beast
Gal Dove (Ray Winstone) is a retired gangster, living high on a hill in the
Costa del Sol, enjoying a lethargic existence. But he is as out of place here
as the heart-shaped ceramic tiles on the floor of his pool. Bad news arrives
in the shape of Don Logan (Ben Kingsley, so great), there to coax Gal back to
England for a job. Gal resists, but Don won’t take no for an answer, setting
in motion a verbal boxing match so artful and intense, it turns the sprawling
Spanish vista into a pressure cooker in which Gal is forced to reckon for his
ill-had comforts. A voice buried deep within Gal tells him–and us–that this
can’t last. Don is that voice, given brutal, relentless human form. In the fallout
of their confrontation lies one of the finest films in recent memory.
The Short Attention Span + Film and Video Festival
Showcases works in film, video, and animation, each no longer than two minutes.
* Taxi Driver
This is a film everyone should see before they hit puberty. Endlessly helpful
in dealing with the trials of life, Robert DeNiro walks the viewer through feelings
such as love, anger, patriotism, menstruation, and blowing the fucking head
off your enemies. Imperative in understanding the social sciences, it will teach
youth about the “street smarts” they need to get through life in this day and
age. As a bonus, Jodie Foster presents a special program on grooming and a seminar
designed especially for young women entitled, “Sexual Intercourse: How Soon
is too Soon?”
* Under the Sand
While on holiday at their summer home in Western France, Jean vanishes during
a swim, leaving his wife Marie, played by the indefatigably beautiful Charlotte
Rampling, to be ravished by loneliness. Upon her return to Paris she is encouraged
to begin dating again, but can’t shake the feeling that Jean is still alive,
refusing to come to terms with the “closure” her friends demand of her.
Wallace and Gromit: Best of Aardman Animation
Nine he-larious stop-animation shorts including the infamous animated duo Wallace
and Gromit.
* X: The Man With The X-Ray Eyes
Roger Corman’s (1963) excellent sci-fi story about a scientist’s discovery of
a drug that boosts normal human vision “beyond the borders of reality.”