I KNOW. You hear me grouse about holiday theater season constantly, with all the gray-mustachioed derision of Statler and Waldorf. But it’s HERE. And despite all my haranguing, IT ISN’T GOING AWAY. If you’re about to be spending a lot of time with your extended family, and you’ve already told your racist uncle why he should stop making offensive jokes (we’re all interrupting our racist uncles this Christmas, right? GOOD) then “quality time” may be best spent shoulder-to-shoulder with your eyeballs pointed in the same direction. Besides, I’m trying to be less crabby about the glitter explosions ahead. So I mined this year’s holiday show offerings for sound alternatives to hate-watching Love Actually through a critical feminist lens for the thousandth time. Will it work? Probably not! But let’s try anyway. Here are five opportunities to avoid being uncharitably compared to a hateful, antisocial miser this holiday season.