Why is December an especially good month for drinking? Because it dissuades you from trying to kill yourself or your annoying relatives. Make this bleak month go by like Vixen with his tail on fire by dragging Uncle Merv out to these spirit-filled holiday retreats. He’ll be more interesting in no time.
IV, 15 SW 2nd, 790-9090; Shanghai Tunnel, 211 SW Ankeny, 220-4001
Okay, so you know about swanky IV–but you probably don’t know it’s the best
place in town to enjoy the Mercury‘s favorite 110-proof, celebratory
liqueur, green chartreuse. It’s a slim five bucks for this clean, sweet, liquorice-tasting
shot–distilled from 130 plants and made from a recipe known to only three monks
who oversee production at the world’s largest liqueur distillery in the French
Alps. The drink makes you feel warm and high, rather than slobbery and drunk,
and once you’re toasted, you can stumble over to the Shanghai Tunnel for a wine
glass of the splendidly tart Belgium beer, Framboise Lambic. They’re the only
place I know of in town that has it on tap Ah, what a highbrow evening of debauchery.
Huber’s, 411 SW 3rd, 228-5686
Famous for their Spanish coffee, Huber’s is a great place to take out-of-town
guests–you know, when you’re pretending you don’t spend all your time in the
same rock club throwing cigarettes on the floor. The old-boy, woodsy atmosphere
is intimate and not overly yupster, plus the century-long chronology of the
bar plastered up on the wall will give grandparents a giant historical boner.
McCormick and Schmick’s Harborside Restaurant and Pilsner Room, 309 SW Montgomery,
220-1865
Another helpful guest haven, McCormick and Schmick’s, has the best warm
drink retreat in Portland. With 11 choices on their hot-sauce menu, you
can enjoy a Hot Apple Pie, Peppermint Patty, Hot Buttered Rum, Blueberry Tea,
or a plain old Hot Toddy–all while enjoying the scenery of the freezing cold
Willamette. Also, if you’re too darn lazy to whip up a batch of Eggnog, but
don’t want to miss out on its creamy, liquory taste, the Pilsner Room has graciously
done it for you. (And, if nothing else, a trip for Eggnog is a great excuse
to get out of the apartment and stop watching Monday night UPN.) Plus, eat cheap
with dinner-size apps from 4-6 pm, and 10 pm to close, and take this rare opportunity
to pay the bill.