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GETTY / CINOBY

I managed to stay healthy since March of last year, despite being surrounded this winter by numerous friends who fell victim to the flu going around. I never even got a cold. “Probably because I take really great care of myself,” I smugly announced whenever the subject came up.

The universe took my smugness as a challenge, and as I write this, I’m on day five of being humbled beyond belief.

Between epic bouts of vomiting and a triple digit fever, I’ve tried to stay positive. But I’m failing miserably, so this week’s column is a fever-dream rant against all the things in the cannabis world that just need… to… stop.

Joshua Jardine Taylor is the Mercury's Senior Cannabis columnist and correspondent, and has written "Cannabuzz" since 2015.