Thursday, February 7
9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE
Jack hits the roof when a straight guy (Matt Damon) tries to nab his spot in the gay men’s chorus!
10:00 NBC E.R.
In yet another subtle E.R. plot twist, Dr. Corday kicks Green’s daughter out of the house for dosing the baby with Ecstasy.
Friday, February 8
8:00 NBC WINTER OLYMPICS
Pomp and butt-shivering circumstance with the opening ceremonies from Salt Lake City.
8:00 AMC EMPIRE OF THE ANTS–Movie
(1977) A real estate broker tries to sell an island of nuclear infested killer ants as a “fixer upper.”
Saturday, February 9
10:00 COM SOUTH PARK
Stan teams up with Jesus to save the boys from falling victim to a suicidal cult. That’s the third one this week!
10:00 TBS BAT 21–Movie
The irrepressible Gene Hackman gets stranded in Vietnam, and it’s up to the indomitable Danny Glover to rescue him.
Sunday, February 10
8:00 A&E INSIDE THE PLAYBOY MANSION
Hugh Hefner gives us a guided tour of his digs, including the jacuzzi, the pool house, and the cum-soaked couch.
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Finally! Part two of the episode where the surprisingly pudgy Quentin Tarantino attempts to take over SD6.
Monday, February 11
8:00 USA WESTMINSTER KENNEL DOG SHOW
It may be the fanciest of all dog shows, but I swear to God those judges are fondling those mutt’s nuts.
Tuesday, February 12
8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Dawn accidentally conjures up a demon that almost kills the Scoobies. When are her hormones gonna calm down??
8:00 WB THE GILMORE GIRLS
The girlfriend of Rory’s dad (Twin Peaks‘ Madchen Amick) comes to town and tries to get all palsy-walsy.
Wednesday, February 13
10:00 USA COMBAT MISSIONS
Hunky members of the military participate in war exercises during the day, and spirited games of grab-ass at night.