Thursday, February 21
8:00 FOX GLUTTON BOWL
Forty fatsos compete to see who can cram the most food down their gullets. Sponsored by Subway!
9:00 PBS FRONTLINE
Watch those yuppie bastards get their due in “Rollover: The Hidden History of the SUV.”
Friday, February 22
9:00 A&E EMPIRE OF CRIME
Need a Soprano’s fix? Check out this documentary on the history of the NYC mob.
10:00 TNT FIRE DOWN BELOW–Movie
(1997) A movie that’s either about Steven Seagal fighting toxic waster dumpers or a urinary tract infection.
Saturday, February 23
8:00 UPN MISERY–Movie
Mystery writer James Caan gets his ankles busted up by crazy fan Kathy Bates!
8:00 TNT THE EXORCIST–Movie
(1973) A young girl who vomits on priests and masturbates with a cross feels better after receiving a prescription for Ritalin.
Sunday, February 24
8:00 TBS UNFORGIVEN–Movie
(1992) Clint Eastwood and Gene Hackman (#2 on the list of world’s greatest actors) team up in this Oscar-winning western.
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Sydney and Dixon vow to catch a rogue agent while in Las Vegas–just as soon as they see the Liberace museum.
Monday, February 25
8:30 NBC FEAR FACTOR
A special celebrity edition starring steroid-pumped (but chickenshit) members of the WWF.
Tuesday, February 26
8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
The creators of Buffy continue to shake their viewers’ confidence by bringing back that beef-faced muthafucka, Riley.
8:30 NBC WATCHING ELLIE
Debut! Julia Louis-Dreyfus attempts to pull her career out of the crapper with this new post-Seinfeld sitcom.
Wednesday, February 27
9:00 NBC WEST WING
President Bartlet uses chess to illustrate the tensions between the U.S. and China. Christ! It’s episodes like this that make you appreciate Bush!