Thursday, August 8
8:00 ABC EXCESS BAGGAGE–Movie(1997) Poor little rich girl Alicia Silverstone
goes on the lam with Hottie McTottie convict Benicio Del Toro!
9:00 NBC WILL & GRACEGay Jack sets up gay Will on a date with gay icon Parker
Posey.
Friday, August 9
8:00 MTV TRUE LIFE
Get yer motors running with this undercover peek at teenage street racing.
9:00 A&E THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE–Movie(1981)
Drifter Jack Nicholson gets his middle-aged groove on with married waitress
Jessica Lange, and…whoopee! Murder ensues.
Saturday, August 10
5:00 AMC LAWRENCE OF ARABIA–Movie(1962)
Faced with the daunting task of uniting the Arab tribes with the Turks, the
Brits call in flamboyant officer Lawrence! (“Flamboyant” naturally meaning “gay.”)
8:00 TBS MAGNUM FORCE–Movie(1973)
Dirty Harry cleans up San Francisco, but instead of using a broom and dust-pan,
he uses a really big gun and some really dead crooks.
Sunday, August 11
7:00 ABC PETER PAN–Cartoony(1953)
The classic Disney animated feature about a flying boy in green tights and the
fairy who wants to “tinker” his “bell.”
8:00 COM HAPPY, TEXAS–Movie(1999)
Two escaped convicts are mistaken by a small town for gay beauty pageant organizers
(Wow! There sure is a lot of gay stuff going on this week!).
Monday, August 12
9:00 AMC LOVE STORY–Movie(1970)
Rich boy falls for poor girl in this purely heterosexual romantic tale (which
gays seem to love).
Tuesday, August 1
8:00 NBC THE RERUN SHOW
Comedians re-enact classic sitcom scripts (and throw in a lot of funny incest
jokes). This week: Bewitched and What’s Happening!
9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
The final five contestants compete. (Oh, for chrissakes! Just hurry up and pick
Tamyra, already!)
Wednesday, August 14
8:00 COM CRANK YANKERS
A marathon of episodes featuring dirty-talkin’ puppets making prank phone calls
to unsuspecting dimwits (waitasecond…is that my phone ringing?).