Uber and Lyft? YAWN. Bike-share programs? SNOOZE. E-scooters? PLEASE BE QUIET, YOU’RE BORING US TO DEATH!
Now there’s a better, more exciting way to get around… the HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICK!
Here’s why HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICKS are superior to all other modes of transportation:
► Unlike regular pogo sticks, HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICKS are super-charged by clean, renewable nuclear energy. That’s why you can cover 30 yards in a single jump and reach a height of 18 feet! Can your stupid Lyft driver do that?
► Say you want to ride your e-scooter from Downtown to the Central Eastside. It’s gonna take FOREVER, idiot! E-scooters only go 15 mph! THAT’S TOO SLOW. The HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICK can clear the entire Burnside Bridge in FIVE HOPS! In fact, if you’re not careful, you might wind up in Troutdale!
► Can e-scooters climb stairs? You’re joking me, right? Is this some sort of fucking joke? E-SCOOTERS CAN’T CLIMB STAIRS—BUT THE HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICK CAN!