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Jeff Sessions: Ill just be over here if you need me.
Jeff Sessions: “I’ll just be over here if you need me.” Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! See, I don’t know if I can handle you as just a friend. Aw baby, I can’t pretend.
Aw baby, I’m so far in. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

OH THANK GOD, the cursed, smokey air is finally being pushed out of Portland. The bad news? My kickstarter to produce fashion respirators has gone down the toilet. 🙁

The Portland school board wants to force a charter school for Black children out of its home in Humboldt Elementary, and parents are not having it.

The estate of a Portland woman who committed suicide off a downtown high rise has received a wrongful death settlement of $35,000 from the building’s security company.

Now let’s check in on CRAZY TOWN TRUMP, shall we? Yesterday the president crapped all over Attorney Jeff Sessions again, blaming him for the many investigations in to his obvious criminal behavior. Today Sessions struck back, saying “While I am attorney general, the actions of the Department of Justice will not be improperly influenced by political considerations.” Wow. That would be nice, if true.

Meanwhile, two Senate Republicans are hinting that Sessions might be replaced after the midterms, sending the rest of the GOP into a panicky, bickering spiral. (Hee-hee.)

SIDE NOTE: I’m not ready to call Kellyanne Conway’s Republican husband George an “unlikely hero,” but I am really feeling his anti-Trump tweets.

David Pecker of the National Enquirer (which furiously slandered Hillary Clinton throughout the 2016 campaign, and helped Trump commit campaign finance fraud) is flipping on the president, and has reportedly been granted immunity in exchange for information.

This just in… another Trump crony flips: “Allen Weisselberg, Longtime Trump Organization CFO, Is Granted Immunity in Cohen Probe.”

In news that makes you go “HMMMM”: If not for the objections of one juror, Paul Manafort would’ve been found guilty on all 18 charges.

Even when he’s appearing on state-run media sources like Fox News, Trump can’t help but implicate himself in crimes.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, our racist president is promoting the conspiracy theories of white nationalists on Twitter.

If you haven’t noticed, there has been a surge of women-identified candidates for public office this year… and, of course, a surge of threats and harassment directed at these same candidates.

Another reason why we should be watching these Republican crooks every goddamn second: Georgia’s election board quickly shuts down the state GOP’s plans to close 7 of 9 polling places in Black-majority areas.

This is me getting ready for November midterms:

Ahem… I’m just going to leave this here for any anti-vaxxers out there: “Russian Trolls Used Vaccine Debate to Sow Discord, Study Finds.”

The category three Hurricane Lane is bearing down on Hawaii, and could cause “life threatening impacts.”

Today in BOO-HOO-HOO: “‘White Christian conservative males’ will suffer if school hires diversity director, lawmaker says.”

Now let’s look at the WEATHER: Nice, cooler, and CLEAR today with a high of 72!

And finally, today I’ll be slipping into your DMs like…

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)