As you undoubtedly recall, last Wednesday President Trump was in a meeting and referred to Apple CEO Tim Cook as “Tim Apple.” Of Trump’s many and obvious crimes, this ranks pretty low, and therefore was the subject of only a few thousand articles on the incident. While most people would confess, laugh it off as a dumb slip of the tongue, and move along with their lives, DONALD TRUMP WILL NOT BE MOCKED, Y’ALL!
At a recent round table meeting of business executives, & long after formally introducing Tim Cook of Apple, I quickly referred to Tim + Apple as Tim/Apple as an easy way to save time & words. The Fake News was disparagingly all over this, & it became yet another bad Trump story!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 11, 2019
For someone who’s so blatantly insensitive to so many people, Donald Trump is the snowiest of all snowflakes. BUT! In his defense, Trump is a busy man whose days are filled with… well, whatever he’s doing during “executive time.” So maybe his idea to combine related names with the person’s job as “an easy way to save time and words”—even though “Apple” contains one more syllable than “Cook”— could work for a busy person like me. To find out, here’s a list of time saving name mashups that I’ll be using from now on:
• Wm. Steven Mercury
• Ariana “7 rings”
• George Ocean’s Eleven
• Bernie yells a lot
• Damian basketball person
• Grumpy cat
• Chandler Friends
• DJ Khaled DJ
• Pope pope
• Nicolaus Renaissance-era mathematician and astronomer who formulated a model of the universe that placed the Sun rather than the Earth at the center of the universe
•Donald talks like a living crossword puzzle
“I quickly referred to Tim + Apple as Tim/Apple as an easy way to save time & words.”
Yes, but why stop there, Mr. President “Cadet Bone Spurs” Trumpfy?
Trumpfcastrophe.
Trumpfocalypse.
Trumpfageddon.
Trumpfuck.
Trumpf U.