Cover art by Michelle Mruk. Back cover photo by Meg Nanna at Angel’s Rest. DAMEDEESO / GETTY IMAGES
Prepare for the shock of your freaking life: With this issue, the Mercury turns 19 years old!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! That’s right, naysayers! Nineteen mother-lovin’ years old. Remember back in early ’00s when all you Negative Nancys were squirting hate-flavored juice in my snow cone, claiming that the Mercury would never last? Well, who’s eating a big ol’ bag of dicks now? Spoiler alert: YOU ARE!
But because I’m the bigger person, I’m not going to spend this column harping on how WRONG you were. Let’s just leave it at you were WRONG, I was RIGHT, and you may now return to your darkened shame corner to chew on that big bag of dicks.
So, what does it mean to turn 19 years old? Let’s explore:
