Credit: Alex Wong / Getty
Friends and neighbors, let me be the first to sell you this MIRACLE COVID CURE: Trumps Famous Lysol Disinfectant Elixir!
“Friends and neighbors, let me be the first to sell you this MIRACLE COVID CURE: Trump’s Famous Lysol Disinfectant Elixir!” ALEX WONG / GETTY IMAGES

Here’s your daily roundup of all the local and national news about COVID-19. (Like our coverage? Please consider donating to the Mercury to keep it comin’!)

• As of today the total number of positive COVID-19 cases in Oregon (that we know of) is 2,177. A total of 86 people have died (an increase of three since yesterday), and nearly 44,000 have been tested. The US death toll is approaching 50,000 (probably an underestimation).

• During yesterday’s press conference sideshow, the esteemed Dr. President Trump wrongly suggested that that sunlight, ultraviolet light, and household disinfectants could possibly kill COVID-19 in the human body. (Not sure why we even have a 25th Amendment if nobody is even going to consider rightfully applying it.)

• Response from Lysol? “Under no circumstance should our disinfectant products be administered into the human body (through injection, ingestion or any other route),” a spokesperson said.

• Oh, wait, never mind, our idiot president says “he was being sarcastic” to reporters “just to see what would happen,” so there! Another satisfactory, sensible explanation! Who needs that 25th Amendment anyway?

• At least Trump did one good thing today, approving an extra $484 billion in small business relief funding… and then made sure to balance that act of basic decency by promising to block any aid to the US Postal Service until they agree to quadruple its pricing.

• While businesses are very tentatively starting to figure out what coming back to work will mean, the first question many of them are looking to answer isn’t even “Can we be ready by May,” but “do we even need an office anymore?”

• The Navy is recommending that Capt. Brett Crozier—the commander who was fired for alerting his superiors that his ship was experiencing a COVID crisis—should be restored to his post of the aircraft carrier Theodore Roosevelt.

• Did you panic a little after seeing a recent “study” that suggests cyclists and joggers are increasing the possibility of COVID-19 transmission? Vox wants you to know that’s bullshit—so long as you’re masked up and maintaining six feet of distance, runners and cyclists are unlikely to infect you as they hustle on by.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• A plan for “contract tracing”—tracking and identifying people with COVID-19 and then monitoring them—in Oregon is about to kick off, which according to experts is a critical component to extinguishing the virus.

• Oregon hospitals will soon be able to continue non-essential medical procedures and elective surgeries, according to an announcement made by Gov. Kate Brown yesterday. The lifted restrictions are contingent on hospitals meeting requirements for beds and protective gear, and our Blair Stenvick is on hand with more details.

• Oregon’s legislature approved $32 million in relief for renters, businesses and workers, with the Legislative Assembly’s joint Emergency Board approving Gov. Kate Brown to spend up to $300 million in federal aid, with the only real guideline on that amount being that it “address the coronavirus.”

• Burgerville is laying off 612 employees from their Oregon and Washington chain of restaurants.

• Starting Wednesday, April 29, New Seasons will mandate that everyone inside its stores—shoppers, vendors, and employees—wear protective face coverings, making them the first major grocery chain in Portland to do so.

• Local independent movie theater employees were having a tough time before, and now things are really tough—but they have a plan to help each other out financially.

• Need a laugh? Get your tickets PRONTO for the live stream edition of the I, Anonymous show TONIGHT, FRIDAY April 24 at 8 pm! Check out the details and the KILLER lineup of comedians here!

• Look, you’re stuck inside, creative, going nuts, and need money, right? Then enter your short confinement-themed film in the Confinement (online) Film Festival, better known as CoFF!

• And finally, just some good solid advice.