"What... are you saying my real eyes are ugly?" Credit: Twitter Screen Shot
What... are you saying my real eyes are ugly?
“What… are you saying my real eyes are ugly?” Twitter Screen Shot

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Today in “When it’s announced that TGI Fridays has reopened” news:

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Today in “Overly complicated but effective pranks” news:

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And finally, today in “And the winner of the Scripp’s National Spelling Bee is….” news:

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)