I’ve written before, but I didn’t hear back from you—probably because my e-mail didn’t contain flogging or santorum or whatever. But I won’t be IGNORED, Dan. My question: I’m a 32-year-old female. Second marriage, two kids: one kid with my ex and one with the man I cheated on my ex with (my current husband). My problem: A year ago, I found my “first love” on a social network. I’d been looking for him off and on for more than 16 years. This person was a jerk who left me for one of my friends back in high school. But he was and still is the love of my life. Always has been. Always will be. He is not married, has never been married, and has no children. We began an affair about seven months after finding each other. My marriage, my second marriage, had been rocky before this. My second husband, of three years, stopped having sex with me after I became pregnant, and this continued after our child was born. We tried counseling. It didn’t help. In no way am I using this as an excuse. I know what I’ve done is wrong. But I also have a pretty bad track record and have cheated on every man I’ve ever been with, except for my first love.
This man, my first love, is the worst person in the world for me. Yet I’m in love with him. I have ALWAYS been in love with him. He wants me to leave my white-collar husband for him, a very blue-collar guy. I live in a nice home in the suburbs; my first love lives in a small apartment in the city. Five months after we began having sex with each other, my current husband found out. Instead of leaving me, he has turned into a different man: extremely loving and attentive. He says this experience has made him realize how much he loves me and that he doesn’t want to lose me.
My other problem: I didn’t begin this affair to get my second husband’s attention. I began it because I’m in love with my first love and always have been. My husband knows of my deep feelings for my “first.” I mention divorce often, but it falls on deaf ears. I want to do what is best for my kids—and that would be staying right where I am. But I feel my only chance for “true” love, if there is such a thing, is passing me by. I’ve never felt for anyone as I do for this man. Every man who has come into my life AFTER him knew about him and knew that if he ever came back for me, I was gone. This includes my current husband. Dan, pull out all the stops on this one, as you famously do, and please tell me what to do.
Serial Cheater In Love
I’ve read what you’ve written before, SCIL…
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