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Good Morning, Portland! We’ve hit the time of year where your weather app says the rain is done, but then some boot camp trainer gets in the rain’s face like, ARE YOU DONE? And rain is like NO, I AM NEVER DONE! Prepare as much as won’t make you miserable. We’re gonna be damp ’til July 2027, let’s gooooo.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
•The Portland Ombudsman’s office published the results of a survey of homeless Portlanders who have stayed at the city’s alternative shelter sites—over half of which are run by Urban Alchemy. Hundreds of homeless Portlanders reported mistrust in the process for addressing complaints at the shelters, including concerns associated with fairness in treatment of residents, stay limits, and threatening behavior or sexual misconduct by staff. For the Mercury, Jeremiah Hayden has more.
• If you read a 3,000-word diary about competing in a bike scavenger hunt today, make it Cameron Crowell’s “Diary of a Carry Shit Olympian.” Having competed in a few Alley Cat races, I know that I am not competitive enough for it, so it’s really entertaining to travel with Camerons as he descends into calorie-deficient madness. This story has everything: Hand-drawn map. Anecdote about a man who brought his own slingshot. Wistful musing about what is actually cargo. Contestant competing on rollerblades?! Fairly sure we’re going to get some complaints that this race is actually called the Carry Sh*t Olympics, but that name has bad SEO. It’s not Cameron’s fault—it’s mine, so complain to me!
• In 2025, Bureau of Land Management (BLM) cancelled its Bat Beauty Contest contest, telling our reporters that the goofy chance to look at and rank high definition photos of bats was a casualty of funding cuts. And I’m not here to tell you everything is going super swell with the bureau—for some reason, they seem to be selling / killing wild horses at an alarming rate—but the BLM Bat Beauty Contest is back for 2026, and Ryan Goswing (pictured above) proudly represents BLM Oregon & Washington. Voting is currently underway!
•Speaking of voting, vote! Check out the Mercury’s endorsements and candidate trackers here!
• Hard to say if this is a local or national story, but… get in losers, we’re sleeping in on Sunday! The treacherous reign of Daylight Savings Time is coming to an end (until Spring), and our mornings will have a little more light for a few weeks. We are trading this for after work hours being dark! So set your clocks back, or if you only use your phone / smartwatch, it’ll happen regardless, and you’ll think you got up early. You didn’t!
• Are you excited about Halloween? It feels like the terror of election season has overshadowed her ghoulish glory, but 2026’s super spoopy night IS on a Saturday this year, and that’s SOMETHING. Starly Lou Riggs’ music picks this week highlight a dark DJ dance party at Holocene, a Swordswallower show at Wyrd Hut, and whoa…. Slothrust is coming to Rev Hall.
• OH DANG, the Mercury is throwing her own party too at Alberta Abbey! Now, I am under the impression that Portland is mostly occupied by gardeners who get up very early, but this party actually starts at 10:30 pm! As a self-identified gardener who doesn’t garden and just gets up early to look at plants (what is that called? Like a poser, but a posey?) this is a little mind boggling. But due to the “Fall Back” return of Daylight Standard, you can actually go to bed a little later and still get the same amount of sleep.
IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Co-founder of United Farm Workers union (UFW) Dolores Huerta has died; she was 96. Huerta founded UFW in 1966 with Cesar Chavez and Gilbert Padilla. Huerta spent her life fighting for civil rights and better conditions for agricultural workers. Her name entered the news again this past spring when she broke nearly 60 years of silence to support those coming forward with accounts of sexual violence perpetrated upon them by Chavez. Huerta shared accounts of her own, expressing that despite her prominence in the movement she did not think people would believe her if she disclosed Chavez’s attacks. Huerta has been credited with creating the phrase “Si, se puede!” (yes, we can), which began as a UFW slogan and was more recently used by President Barack Obama during his 2008 campaign.
• A terrible train crash in Spain has killed at least 69 people. As investigations into the cause begin, initial reports say that one high-speed train ran into another that was stopped on the same tracks.
• The Department of Health and Human Services announced Wednesday that it will exercise enforcement discretion for a half dozen peptides, which are the health scam world’s current snake oil du jour. In July, a panel of advisers to the FDA recommended expanding access to the six peptides. However, NPR reports that, at the same meeting, the FDA’s own scientists discouraged unwinding the existing restrictions. The new policy doesn’t completely legalize distribution of said peptides, but it creates a path for small compounding facilities to do so. It’s almost as if someone were trying to start up a small operation to corner a niche, celebrity-influencer market.
• Sending you into Thursday with love and support for all my meat sacks. Get out there and get in the way!
