GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋 Woooo-wheeee, it is hot out there babies! Yesterday the “hot” clocked in at a very uncomfortable 91 degrees, and today the sizzle continues with highs estimated to reach a scorching 98. Local governments are offering some resources to help people stay cool, so take care of yourselves, and check on those neighbors. OH! And speaking of “cool” things, the Mercury is now offering audio versions of the stories you regularly love—including Good Morning, News, which is especially entertaining when narrated by the Mercury’s resident robot, Debbie. (In an effort to reward you for listening to Debbie—click play on the audio article above—I’m asking her to do a dramatic reading of Sabrina Carpenter’s horny ode to responsible boyfriends, “Tears.” Listen to Debbie cook!) And watch me cook on today’s NEWS.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Oregon’s largest community college—Portland Community College—recently cut ties with its president, Adrien Bennings, but that doesn’t mean her troubles are over. On Friday, after a three-month preliminary review, the Oregon Government Ethics Commission voted to open a full investigation into the former PCC president over potential conflicts of interest. As reported by the Mercury, a complaint filed with the commission in March raised concerns that Bennings directed the school to use the slogan “One Together, Together One,” which is trademarked by her company G7 Enterprises, and is considered by some a possible violation of state law. Our Jeremiah Hayden has more.
• Here’s a reminder that even though it’s very hot outside, local rivers remain cold and dangerous. On Saturday, the city administrator for St. Helens Oregon, John Walsh, went missing in the Columbia River, and search and rescue operations have been unable to locate him. Sadly, Walsh is presumed dead, and the St. Helens City Council held an emergency meeting on Sunday to appoint an interim city administrator. Over the weekend, two teenagers also drowned in area waterways: one teen fell off a jet ski in the river near Gladstone, Oregon, while another reportedly died in Lincoln County while jumping off some rocks in the Siletz River Gorge near Logsden.
• Well, it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last, but the Oregonian Editorial Board is once again crashing out, because City Council is refusing to bend to the will of Portland’s millionaire class. In an editorial opinion piece published yesterday, the Board accused our so-called “feckless” government of refusing to allow cops and other non-climate related bureaus to steal money from the Portland Clean Energy Fund. As you recall, the fund is raking in more money than expected, and even though all that moolah is… ahem… already spoken for by projects directly related to climate change, the O and their developer pals are toothlessly ordering the council to stop acting “sanctimonious” and put PCEF back on the ballot. Their hopes are that voters will change their minds and assign money promised to green projects to what are clearly non-climate related needs… most pointedly, hiring more cops. Hilariously, the board thinks that this is exactly what the public wants, offering up as proof their recent sketchy poll, which they say shows that two-thirds of voters want the money to go to parks AND police. (Never mind the fact they only polled a scant 300 people, and the money is already slated for parks.) Can someone please come get the Oregonian Editorial Board? Once again, they’ve missed their nap.
• The Portland Fire came roaring back in front of 14,612 fans Saturday night with a satisfying 84-83 win over the Dallas Wings. The victory was a welcome relief after a grueling four-game losing streak that started when the Golden State Valkyries trounced the Fire 95-77 on June 2, and ended when the Las Vegas Aces departed town after delivering a punishing 105-89 loss on June 11. Get all the details, analysis, and what the Fire will be looking forward to next in this wrap-up from our Stephanie Kaloi.
• The beginning of heirloom tomato season in August is something of a city-wide holiday in Portland. It’s surprising then, that only one farm that we know of in Portland offers a tomato-only CSA. Enter Copihue Farm, named for Chile’s national flower, whose tomato CSA is now in its second year. The short-and-sweet season runs eight weeks between August and September, and food editor Katherine Chew Hamilton has all the juicy details.
IN NATIONAL AND WORLD NEWS:
• After months of truce-breaking attacks from both sides, the US and Iran REPORTEDLY have a deal in place to stop fighting and reopen the Strait of Hormuz. (Can you hear my eyes rolling?) And because of TACO (Trump always chickens out), the deal will not produce the results our president promised when he dragged us kicking and screaming into this war. When launching the offensive, Trump promised to destroy Iran’s military, ruin their nuclear ambitions, and help the Iranian people overthrow their government. But surprise! None of that has happened. (Oh, and Trump also said the conflict would only last three to four weeks, and here we are, months later, still having this circular discussion.) Can someone wake me up when a real president takes office?
• It’s official: Donald Trump is an octogenarian, turning a fragile 80 years old yesterday. And how did he spend his birthday? Like many older men who are desperate to regain the testosterone of their youth… watching a mixed-martial arts fight on the White House lawn, accompanied by other sad billionaires and mewling Republicans who would clearly rather be anywhere else. It was truly a gathering of the worst people ever, to celebrate the birth of one of the worst leaders ever. Need more proof? In his heavyweight bout victory speech, UFC fighter Josh Hokit had this to say to the snowflake crowd: “There’s only one person more incredible than the Incredible Hulk, and that’s my Lord and savior Jesus Christ,” before concluding with, “and lastly, Michelle Obama is a man.” Happy upcoming birthday, America. You’re getting exactly what you deserve.
• Speaking of older Americans who hate America, former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was hospitalized yesterday for… checks notes… reasons no one apparently wants to talk about. While McConnell’s office was mum on why the 84-year-old was admitted to the hospital, the former speaker has taken a number of tumbles in recent years and has reportedly suffered from health problems. This is the part where I’m supposed to wish McConnell a speedy recovery so he can get back to work helping Republicans eat away at democracy. (Uncomfortably long pause.) Anyway… on to the next story!
• In sporting news, we have new NBA champions, and here’s what the Mercury’s Elinor Jones had to say about it in her newest, and oh-so-hilarious edition of The Trash Report (publishing later this morning): In much more exciting and joyful national news, the New York Knicks beat the San Antonio Spurs to clench their first National NBA title in 53 years, and the images out of the city have been beautifully celebratory. Somebody on social media described it as “opposite 9/11” and if that doesn’t capture the vibe I don’t know what does. The serotonin rush that the scrolling brings me has been next level. I don’t think the internet will feel as euphoric again until the day the thing happens.” Despite language and cultural differences, I love it that everybody in the world knows what “the thing” is.
• And finally… thank you for refusing to watch Trump’s stupid White House cagematch, and deciding to place your bets on this far superior fight instead. Soooo… PUG VS. PIG! WHO YA GOT?!?
