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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Just in time for the I-5-pocalypse (more on that below), you can expect those morning clouds to fade away to sunshine this afternoon with a high of 70—just in time for your afternoon commute, may god have mercy on your soul. And now let’s get into survival mode for the NEWS-pocalypse!
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• And so the first day of commuting under the dark cloud of the I-5 closure has begun. This past Friday at 10 pm, Oregon Department of Transportation (ODOT) closed down a southbound section of Interstate 5 that runs through the Rose Quarter for the next five weeks, which could dump an inordinate amount of vehicles into the Central Eastside, and therefore snarl up traffic across the city. Or maybe everything will be just a bit more annoying and not as bad as some have predicted. Over the weekend, ODOT noticed a 10 percent drop in car use on I-5, I-405, I-205, and I-84 over the last four Saturdays, showing that drivers are getting the message about the closure and adjusting their driving habits. Today will tell us a lot, but be sure to think ahead and give yourself plenty of time to get where you’re going safely, okay? Okay! (And thank a bicyclist or pedestrian, okay? Okay!)
• Some very sad news: One of the city’s finest comedians (and long-time friend of the Mercury) Nariko Ott is dead at the age of 46. His shocking death on Thursday has absolutely crushed the comedy community, who are still reeling from the sad news. If you’re unfamiliar with his large body of work, Nariko was crowned Portland’s Funniest Person in 2016, and hosted many of the Mercury’s Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy shows over the past 10 years, as well as co-hosted the insanely funny live show Topic Thunder alongside comedian Adam Pasi. Our Suzette Smith has a touching, excellently reported obituary for Nariko, and on a personal note… I adored this guy. I’ve had the pleasure of working with him on various shows over the years, and was always blown away by his razor sharp wit, and especially his politically-based humor, which was always rooted in protecting those in our community who needed the most help. It’s a crushing blow I’m still trying to process… but here’s what I will say: This world needs you. You may feel alone at times, we all do. But don’t take for granted that you have friends, family, and sometimes just casual acquaintances whose lives will be severely diminished if you aren’t around. If you ever doubt this, you’re lying to yourself. And if you are unable to turn those thoughts around, there is help (call or text 988). For those of us who are fortunate and don’t have these thoughts, check on your friends and neighbors and remind them that love exists in the world—and they, just like you, are worthy and needed.
• Today in “Much ado about… well, a little bit, but not as much as they seem to think”: The Oregonian penned a rather alarmist story about City Council spending down money in their office budgets while Portland is suffering from a $160 million fiscal shortfall. And while we should definitely be concerned about the spending habits of councilors (especially with the public’s money), the O’s story seems to be saying that councilors—both moderate and progressive—are throwing money into the wind, funding dreaded “pet projects” which actually turned out to be money going toward nonprofits and community-based groups whose focus, among others, is social and racial justice, along with the environment and neighborhood involvement. In one section, the O grasps their pearls as they breathlessly describe Councilor Candace Avalos spending $9,200 to host a community picnic for her district, which “included a DJ, face painting booths and a bouncy house.” GASP!!! A councilor attempting to support historically disenfranchised Portlanders, with money from the city who has been ignoring them for decades? WHY, I NEVER! That said, if there’s any smoking gun in this story, it comes courtesy of Councilor Dan Ryan, who used $600 of the public’s money to hire makeup artists to make him look pretty before a pair of television appearances. So, YES. While transparency and fiscal responsibility is indeed A VERY BIG DEAL, councilors should also absolutely be spending their office’s money on things that directly benefit their districts—which seems to be the case for the most part. Local media can help by keeping a close eye out for shenanigans… but let’s focus on the steak, rather than the sizzle, shall we?
• Oh, and speaking of elected officials: We have an election coming up in November, which among other races, include runs for city council representatives for Districts 3 and 4—and lucky you, the Mercury has unveiled our candidate tracker, including all the folks running for office, their backgrounds, and who they’re funded by. Check ‘em out, politically engaged citizen!
IN NATIONAL AND WORLD NEWS:
• You know things are getting bad when top tech bros—such as Anthropic’s Dario Amodei, OpenAI’s Sam Altman, and billionaire crybaby Elon Musk—are calling for more guardrails on artificial intelligence. This weekend, Dario Amodei, chief executive of AI company Anthropic, posted an essay asking his own industry to slow down the rapid pace of AI development in order to allow safety measures—which are needed to keep the burgeoning tech from going rogue—to catch up. Within hours of publication, the essay was endorsed by OpenAI’s Altman, Musk, and Demis Hassabis, the former head of Google’s AI unit. You know who doesn’t love the idea? Donald J. Trump, of course! “The only control or ‘guardrails’ that AI needs is a STRONG AND SMART (High IQ!) PRESIDENT, and the U.S.A. has that, in spades,” squealed the Dipshit-in-Chief, who also went out of his way to support the proliferation of community-destroying data centers… one of the only topics that both MAGA and reasonable society can agree is a really bad idea. (There’s a reason Trump loves AI so much: ChatGPT is his only true friend.)
• According to a new report by the Department of Homeland Security’s inspector general, immigrants detained at a Trump-approved, now shuttered South Florida detention facility (known as “Alligator Alcatraz”) were often confined to telephone booth-sized outdoor cages as punishment—a move Amnesty International described as “torture.” The cramped cages were used to punish detainees, though prison officials described them as “calming areas” for “detainees to de-escalate and have time alone.” At 16 square feet, the size of these cages even violate ICE rules, which say that inmates in solitary confinement should be kept in rooms that are a minimum of 37 square feet. Also worth noting, this has been one of the few times a DHS inspector has issued a report directly contradicting the Trump administration. Cue the war-crimes tribunal that will never happen.
• As Trump continues to throw wrenches into the nation’s right to vote in the upcoming midterms, a second federal judge has blocked the U.S. Postal Service’s plan to assist the president in his scheme to restrict mail-in voting. In a ruling released yesterday, U.S. District Judge Carl Nichols (nominated by Trump no less) found that “USPS has no authority to refuse to deliver mail-in ballots”—which means that while the Supreme Court decides whether or not to review the executive order, voting by mail will still be available for those whose states allow it… though smart money says you should drop your ballot off in the assigned boxes personally by election day, unless you trust the mercurial whims of a mostly corrupt Supreme Court.
• More scandal, courtesy of actress Sydney Sweeney, who is receiving some well-earned backlash following her practically nude appearance in an ad for sports betting company Novig. The advertisement, which features Sweeney engaging in various sports with her naked bits covered by carefully-placed pieces of sporting equipment, has been slammed by actual athletes who accuse the ad of sexualizing women in sports. Dozens of such athletes have been clowning on Sweeney and the ad, and in a scathing rebuttal from the Female Athlete Project, they noted it was “incredible” the advertisers and actress “could fit so much misogyny into 40 seconds.” They went on to write, “Sport has long treated women’s bodies as commodities, and this objectification does nothing to support real women in sports.” In response to the tsunami of criticism, Sweeney basically and in short responded by saying, “Oopsy.”
• And finally… you and your coworkers on Friday when it’s paycheck time.
