Finding the perfect pair of jeans can be like looking for the Holy
Grail—a bitch, but when you finally hit pay dirt, you’re set for
life. Jeans are America’s uniform, and a good pair can rock a room like
nothing else. But darling, they need to be purrfect. I’ve bought a lot
of good-enough jeans of late, from $340 Diesel skinny jeans that
covered everything wonderfully except my crack, to $10 Levi’s from Ross
that—although comfy and cute—didn’t quite do my ass justice
(please note: “comfy” and “cute” should never be anyone’s sartorial
goal). So, with fall around the corner, I took Merc fashion
maven Marjorie Skinner’s advice and put myself in the capable hands of
JoAnne Woods, who specializes in wrapping curves and crevices in
top-end denim. A psychology student and self-described clothes addict,
JoAnne’s put some thought into why we spend a fortune on the most
utilitarian part of our wardrobe. The verdict? “To attract a mate.”
What are the challenges most people have when being fitted for
jeans?
They see themselves as having big thighs or a big butt, but I think
they just haven’t come here. We know our jeans really well, and which
jeans fit which body types. A pair of jeans that’s not the right fit
can make a great ass look so bad. I’ll see women walk down the street
and think, “No, no! Come to me! Let me help you!”
What sizes do you accommodate?
Size 24 to size 33 in women’s, and up to size 38 in men’s.
Why can’t they make jeans that cover a gal’s ass crack?
They’re starting to. We have a new mid-rise section that’s the
perfect fit—just above a low-rise but much lower than the
high-rise “mom jeans.”
Trends for fall?
For women, this is the first time that I’ve seen every kind of style
come through the door, from high-rise wide leg to low-rise skinny leg
and everything in between. For men, as jeans are being accepted more in
the work force, there’s a big demand for a nice clean fit or a dark
dressy denim.
Do you have any secrets for extending the life of your
investment?
Wash jeans inside out on cold and don’t stick them in the dryer.
That’ll preserve the color, the shape, and the weave. Also, try not to
wash them very often. You’ll hear designers say, “Never wash your
jeans.” I don’t know who can do that, but if you have a handful of
pairs, you can rotate through them. VIVA LAS VEGAS