A military jury has convicted Osama bin Laden’s driver. WOO-HOO! Let’s go after his dry cleaner next!

After picturing her in an anti-Obama ad, Paris Hilton sticks it to John McCain in a legitimately funny rebuttal video! Check it out here.

In a recent poll, almost half of the participants said they’re tired of hearing about Obama. Mmmm… would that be the Republican half?

Texas defies the order of the World Court and executes a man against their wishes. Yee-haw?

Unable to part from her dead dog Booger, a woman clones five little Boogers. (In a related story, I dug up five little boogers of my own this morning.)

Please watch this video. If for nothing else, to see this horrifying woman in the throes of Booger ecstasy.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

4 replies on “Good Morning, News!”

  1. What a selfish bitch! There are score of animals in shelters that are destroyed everyday because nobody wants them and she spends $50,000 to clone one? I have loved all my pets and everything but when they’re gone, they’re gone.

    I wonder how may unwanted pets all that money would have fed.

  2. “The judicial Power of the United States, shall be vested in one supreme Court, and in such inferior Courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish.”

    Atricle 3, section 1, U.S. Constitution.

    This is why the “World Court” will never, ever have any authority in the U.S., and will be repeatedly ignored if they attempt to exercise judicual power.

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