In 2007, when Sam Adams first denied allegations that he was
sleeping with Beau Breedlove, I assumed he was lying.
And I didn’t care.
Remember when President Bill Clinton was caught blowing loads on
Monica Lewinsky? Like a lot of liberals, lefties, and progressives, I
spent nearly a year arguing that Clinton shouldn’t be impeached for
lying—under oath—about his affair with Lewinsky.
Many argued he had a right to lie about the affair, that we
all have a right to lie about our private, consensual, legal
sexual conduct, and that sometimes lying is the only way to keep our
private, consensual, legal sexual conduct private. The affair by itself
was a mistake, but it shouldn’t have been the subject of Ken Starr’s
investigation.
And can anyone argue that it wouldn’t have been better for all
involved—Bill and his family, Monica and her family, the whole
damn country—if Bill had gotten away with it?
Of course it would’ve been better if Clinton had refrained from
messing around with “that woman,” a much younger, not terribly discreet
White House intern. And it would’ve been better if Sam Adams had
refrained from messing around with Beau Breedlove, a much younger, not
terribly discreet young man.
In the Mercury‘s Back to School Issue [“Camping Out,”
Sept 11, 2008], I quoted this line from Tea and Sympathy: “When
you speak of this in future years… and you will… be kind.”
Immediately after that line, a much older woman fucks the living shit
out of this hot high school boy. In the play it’s a selfless,
altruistic act; the woman only wants to help the boy prove to himself
and others that he’s only sensitive and poetic, and not, you know,
gay and homosexual.
“The circumstances in Tea and Sympathy don’t precisely
parallel the ones scores of Mercury readers over the age of 25
are likely to find themselves in soon,” I wrote. “But many of you will
soon be fucking the living shit out Portland’s much younger people,
Porland’s newly arrived college students, and you will be spoken
of in future years by the younger people you fuck the living shit out
of today. If you wish to be spoken of kindly—and you
do—I’ve got a pretty simple rule for you.”
It’s the “campsite rule,” something I introduced in my Savage Love
column [see pg.43] because, despite my on-the-record disapproval of
sexual relationships where there are large age differences, some older
people are attracted to younger people and vice versa—whether we
like it or not.
“As with campers at campsites, the older partners of younger people
should always leave ’em in better shape than they found ’em. Don’t get
’em pregnant, don’t give ’em diseases, and don’t lead ’em to believe
that a long-term relationship is even a remote possibility. …And if
you do the right thing—and leave ’em in better shape than you
found ’em—your younger lovers will always speak highly of
you.”
We know Beau Breedlove did not emerge from his affairette with Sam
Adams pregnant—at least that’s what we know now—and
if Sam had given Beau a disease or gotten him hooked on meth, it seems
highly likely that Beau would’ve mentioned it in his interview with the
Oregonian. So it looks as if Adams—at least from what we
know now—honored the campsite rule.
Breedlove, however, failed to uphold what shall now be known as the
Tea and Sympathy rule: When the younger person in an
older/younger affair speaks of it in future years, he or she has a duty
to be kind. If no harm was done to you, then you should strive
to do no harm in return. And if the younger person remembers the affair
fondly, as Breedlove seems to, and if the younger person considers his
or her former lover to be a friend, as Breedlove claims, then the
younger person shouldn’t speak of the affair—even
kindly—when the younger person knows that doing so will wreak
havoc on the life of his (or her) old flame.
This judgment is based on what we know now, and the fact that Adams
upheld the campsite rule doesn’t make Adams’ actions any less reckless,
the affair any less ill-advised, and it doesn’t mean there’s nothing
inherently squicky about older, more powerful folks making out with
teenagers in toilets.
“Maybe Breedlove is squealing because Adams did NOT honor the
campsite rule,” someone wrote after I made this point on Blogtown.
That’s entirely possible—and if true, if Adams harmed Breedlove,
and that’s the reason why he’s speaking out now, then Breedlove needs
to drop the “I love Sam, Sam’s my friend, this was a great experience
for me, I wasn’t harmed…” line he’s been peddling alongside the
damaging details of their affair. Saying things he knows will harm
someone he professes to like makes Breedlove look dishonest at best,
unstable at worst. It leaves one to question Breedlove’s motives.
But Breedlove was the younger person—blah, blah,
blah—and we’re not allowed to speculate about the younger
person’s motives, or examine his actions when a scandal like this
breaks. Adams should’ve known better and is far more culpable, as the
older person. But the possibility that Adams and Breedlove were
both—to borrow a phrase—”a little bit nutty and a little
bit slutty” comes closest, I think, to capturing the essence of this
scandal.
However nutty and slutty Adams’ actions were, they have not been
shown to be criminal. And Adams, like Clinton, should not be driven out
of office for failing to truthfully answer a question that
should’ve never been put to him in the first place.
The mayor was deceiving the electorate during a campaign about an affair he says was inappropriate when it started with an underage high schooler.
Why is it so hard to see the difference between right and wrong?
Dan, you don’t even live in Oregon, much less Portland. I fail to see how this is any of your business really.
To D:
What’s wrong is the assumption that legal, private romantic behavior of politicians is any of the general public’s business. What’s right is for politicians to be asked questions about their politics alone–and about their private affairs only to the extent that said affairs are illegal.
To Jaypdx:
His geographical location is irrelevant. He’s arguably the most famous gay author around, and, since his bailiwick is sex, it makes perfect sense for him to weigh in on this. I was stoked to see footage of him at a counter-protest at City Hall. And, by the way–it’s not of your fucking business either. Or mine. Or anybody’s–except for Sam and Beau.
Sam was asked about this matter sixteen months ago in the context of the mayoral election. Instead of choosing not to answer a question about his personal life, which he could have done, he chose to lie directly, baldly, and repeatedly to his entire constituency as he simultaneously asked them to vote for him. That choice to lie during an election makes this now the “fucking business” of everyone whom Adams represents in office.
The problem with this “realtionship” is not the age difference or even that Adams lied about it. The problem is that Breedlove was in all likely hood UNDER the AGE OF 18! Which we should remind you Dan, is ILLEGAL!
I voted for Adams. Had I know at the time that he is a pedophile I would not have.
No one trusts him and he needs to resign.
It’s obvious what we need to do now is LOWER THE AGE OF CONSENT. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I would have fucked Sam Adams when I was fifteen.
It’s obvious what we need to do now is LOWER THE AGE OF CONSENT. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I would have fucked Sam Adams when I was fifteen.
1: justabove65 and D- it hasn’t been proven he was under 18. Therefore, since we live in America, he is innocent of crime till proven guilty. Yes, they should look into that, but no, it’s none of our business until they do.
2: being attracted to someone 17 or 18 does not make you a pedophile. pedophilia is a very serious mental disease that makes you attracted to people who do NOT HAVE ADULT BODIES. By the time you are 17 or 18 you have an adult body. As anyone who’s accidentally checked out a high-school student knows. And you all have, you know it, don’t try to deny it. It is whether you take action on those desires with someone under 18 that makes you illegal or “wrong” (whatever that means in this context, it’s all so grey..what one day can make the difference between right and wrong on your 18th birthday?). And I don’t think Sam is that stupid to be perfectly honest, I think he could keep it in his pants until that magical birthday and probably did.
a lot of the arguments on either side of this matter (for whatever cause) are too cut-n-dry. this article really fucking sucks.
dan, being a figurehead on the pro-adams side, please get your shit together. i can barely speak for myself; that’s why i elect and/or support representatives for all kinds of matters. i would love for you to truly shove it up the ass of the b team. this is not it.
a lot of the arguments on either side of this matter (for whatever cause) are too cut-n-dry. this article really fucking sucks.
dan, being a figurehead on the pro-adams side, please get your shit together. i can barely speak for myself; that’s why i elect and/or support representatives for all kinds of matters. i would love for you to truly shove it up the ass of the b team. this is not it.
a lot of the arguments on either side of this matter (for whatever cause) are too cut-n-dry. this article really fucking sucks.
dan, being a figurehead on the pro-adams side, please get your shit together. i can barely speak for myself; that’s why i elect and/or support representatives for all kinds of matters. i would love for you to truly shove it up the ass of the b team. this is not it.
Dan please STAY the F–k in Seattle and relocate Sam, Storm (and all the “weird sex” she’s having.) Oh and please, don’t forget the Pink Martini guy!! BTW I thought older men who have sex with teens were “scum”? Thats right not when they are your cronies…you are such an idiot!!
Oh and KATU has gone out on a limb and found a friend of Breedloves that confirms they were having sex prior to this kid turning 18. Still wanna keep talking about what a great guy Sam is, Savage?
I know a better rule…old men leave young kids alone and let them get to adulthood unmolested. This article is so self serving to chld predators everywhere, I feel ill.
If Sam was the principal at a High School, and was making out with a 17yr old student in the bathroom during school hours, even if they didn’t have sex – would you feel that behavior was appropriate for someone in that office? How is that different than a public official with an underage intern?
Furthermore – lying badly to cover it up, and discrediting a political rival using the “gay bashing” card. Sam showed extremely poor judgment and disturbing ethics in this case.
The issue here has never been Sam’s or Bo’s orientation or what they did as consenting adults – but the fact that Sam DID cross some moral boundaries (even if he managed to tiptoe on the edge of breaking the law), and lied multiple times about it. Think it doesn’t have any consequences? Look at his turnabout on the CRC. Sam has lost the confidence of many other officials and government employees – a confidence that is vitally necessary to make changes in policy and get things done.
The term pedophilia, as a medical diagnosis, is defined as a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children. Breedlove was not prepubescent! He knew exactly what he was doing and what he wanted. He has said that repeatedly!
It’s none of anybody’s business!
And to “relocatesam” – If you don’t like our community and/or prominent respected individuals in our city… then get the fuck out! Leave! And don’t ever come back! I am a Portland native born 42 years ago in the heart of this open and free city. A city that respects and protects our civil liberties and constitutional rights. I assume you are not because, you don’t share the ideals and opinions of most of our community.
And that goes for the rest of you “Haters”… Get the fuck out! You’re not welcome here! You sound like a bunch of homophobic morons that just want to use this situation for your own political agendas!
Actually, justabove65, FYI, a pedophile is someone who prefers, or has, sex with individuals who have not yet reached the age of puberty. Someone who prefers, or has, sex with an individual who has reached puberty but is still a teenager, is called a hebephile.
If you’re going to talk about things of which you have no personal knowledge, and that are none of your business, at least get your terms right.