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Oscar, because it looks like he’s already been laid off and isn’t really a “people person.”
Cookie Monster…he’s lost all credibility after he started eating apples
What? No fucking Elmo? I’d fire that red-haried mongoloid in a minute.
Feed that f**king annoying Elmo to Snuffleupagus.
Snuffy will eat anything after a few toots up he trunk.
Also… Jesus Christ Steve.
Kermit isn’t even on Sesame Street anymore. Do some research next time.
Can I fire Madame Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock?
She was a fat lazy bitch.
The Count?! Everyone knows you don’t lay off folks in the accounting dept until the veeeery end.
Elmo, way overpaid and least seniority.
The Count. That’s what calculators are for!
God – couldn’t Bert & Ernie have been a team? Getting rid of one without the other is fucking depressing.
But I’m with DeepCerulean – cookie monster has had one job, and he can’t even do it right anymore. Lose him.
I’m voting Ernie, because with Bert’s shared income they should be okay ’til the recession ends.
I’d shitcan The Count and outsource all finance to Fraggle Rock. I hear they’re on the verge of a boom but the labor is still relatively cheap. Plus, it’s a tax haven so you could incorporate there.
You can’t fire Bert or Ernie, because you know Bert will just get pissed off and file a discrimination suit.
Big Bird is the one that really need to get canned. He has no specialized skills, and he spends half his time sitting on his ass, in that little nest of his.
But Big Bird is a big drag queen so you risk a discrimination suit there too. Oscar lives like he’s homeless anyway so he’d be my second choice. Plus, he’s like a crotchety old Republican and they’re no fun.
Kermit! Whats he even doing there? He doesn’t live on Seasame St! God DAMNIT!
Might be the best comment thread I’ve seen on this blog ever.
I can’t believe you jackasses are firing Snuffy.
No shit! I’m with Alison on this one. Just because he doesn’t “technically” exist (being Big Birds imaginary friend and all), that doesn’t mean you can just fire him. You know what? You can’t fire what you can’t see, bitches!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?! WHY ISN’T TELLY ON THIS LIST!!!!
DUDE IS PATHETIC AS FUCK!
I’m with Alison and Patrick. Zach Galifinupalupagus is the glue that holds that show together.
HE IS THE MORAL CENTER OF THE STREET CALLED SESAME.
Fire Snuffy, fire THE WORLD.
Do any of you Merc staffers actually know anything about Sesame Street? Snuffleupagus is not Big Bird’s imaginary friend. Snuffleupagus has always been real. He just had an incredible talent for disappearing at inopportune moments for Big Bird. But since at least 1985 (that was 22 years ago dumb asses), everyone has known that he is real. GOD DAMN IT PEOPLE KNOW YOUR CRAP BEFORE YOU POST ANYTHING…. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
What? They told me today that Snuffy was imaginary, which was effin’ news to me, and then mocked me for not knowing that already. (“They” is Courtney.)
Now that I have had time to think about it…Cookie Monster should be cut. CLEARLY he has substance abuse problems.
Snuffy is real, as has already been pointed out. Also, I’m jumping on the Cookie/Veggie Monster bandwagon since he’s a shadow of his former self. One would be justified in going Chief Broom on his ass.
It’s hard to let Cookie Monster go though. For breakfast this morning I had cookies and a porter. I wistfully thought of how both Cookie Monster and Sam Adams (of the Revolutionary War) would be proud of such a feast. Now I’m reminded that the latter is dead and the former sold out.
@Immortal Goon, Are you new around here? I like cut of your jib.
Yeah…where is Elmo on this list? he’s the JarJar Binks of Sesame Street. 18% voted The Count?! That’s just a shame, a real shame.
I have to agree with Rick Warren here: Telly is a sad sack. I would fire him, cause i don’t even think he’d notice, he’s so depressed all the time anyway.
Also, what of Guy Smiley? Is he still on the show?
After being laid off Cokie Monster turns to a life of drugs. He starts pimping the pig out to support his habit. Bert & Ernie ended up in rehab to come out to a new job on True TV co hosting Americas Dumbest Crimes!