Six Years of War: Protests over the weekend mark the sixth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, chanting “Hey, Obama, yes, we can. Troops out of Afghanistan!”

Hey buddy, you lookin’ for some hot assets? The Treasury unveils a complicated plan for private investors to buy up $500 billion of the nation’s toxic assets with the help of government subsidies. Wall Street seems to like the idea

Sprawl for All: While Obama’s administration spoke up for “innovative use” of federal stimulus dollars, many states are using their stimulus money to fund suburban highways and other projects which lead to sprawl.

New Afghanistan Leader: The US plans to fight corruption in Afghanistan’s government by creating a new prime minister post to dilute Karzai’s power.

Still so far from Waterworld….: NASA built a urine recycling machine, but it malfunctioned on the “first test run.”

Only in America: As nursing homes become “dumping grounds for the mentally ill” an increasing number of deranged middle aged people have been attacking their senior citizen roommates.

New Parks May Be Stalled: With the huge budget crunch, Portland may not be able to spend $20-30 million on each of the “staggering list” of new parks planners want to create.

No More Pencils, No More Books: An investigation of Portland public schools libraries finds “rampant inconsistencies and inequalities” — few schools have trained, full-time library staff.

What’s worse than reporting on the weather? Reporting on how the crew of Twilight feels about the weather.

Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books.

3 replies on “Good Morning News!”

  1. I hate it when protesters are fucking retarded. Yeah, we totally don’t need troops in Afghanistan. The Taliban and warlords totally deserve to run that country. Dumb-asses. Where were these people protesting when American troops when into Serbia or Mogadishu? Are these the people who don’t want military intervention in Darfur?

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

  2. “To reduce the likelihood that the government will overpay for these assets, private sector investors competing with one another will establish the price of the loans and securities purchased,” the department said.
    By emphasizing that private investors will share in the risk, the Treasury Department seemed to be seeking to reassure ordinary taxpayers that they will not be bear the entire downside burden of yet another $1 trillion program.”

    So we are supposed to believe there will be no collusion between these “private investors” to artificially keep the purchase prices lower? Wouldn’t it be (un)surprising if these “private investors” turn out to be the same people who got us in this mess and could they now stand to make money again on the market they already fucked in the first place?
    If I am misunderstanding this someone please correct me.

  3. I don’t understand why we allow sprawl/population growth. The quality of life is directly related to too many people on this earth.

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