Secret Eats

ANY MANNER OF FOODS can be eaten while biking if you master
one simple technique I call the “peloton pincer.”

For the right hand-dominant rider: Place the right hand on top of
your bicycle’s handlebars as normal, but place only the lower palm of
the left hand against the left-hand side of the handlebars. Now wrap
the last three fingers (beginning with the pinky) around the handlebar
leaving the thumb and forefinger to act as your pincer. Left
hand-dominant riders can reverse these directions. Within the pincer,
you can now hold any number of tall rigid foods or cups filled with
liquid. You need not bring the food to your mouth, but rather bend
toward the food for ingestion, creating a more aerodynamic profile.

Jerky sticks are easy, as are stiff burritos. Large slices of
artisan pizza can also be eaten this way; as well as multiple scoop ice
cream comes. Corn dogs, however, are recommended for experienced
“peloton pincer” practitioners due to the rigid stick in the center
that has stricken novices with severe esophageal injuries.

A bendy straw is advisable for liquids due to collapsible
capability, which will help avoid injury in case of emergency.

And whatever you do—avoid riding naked with a taco. Trust me,
that Tapatio burns in all the worst places.

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